Friday, March 5, 2010

Well, No Kidding

A new study appeared in the paper the other day. (Check it out here.) Apparently cohabiting before marriage doesn't help make a marriage last. Well, duh. What I want to see is a study that addresses my theory: You fight differently when you know it's permanent.

Years and years ago, my man and I got engaged and something shifted in me. I started to fight differently when we'd argue. I would actually stand my ground - something I hadn't done too much before. Knowing your man isn't going anywhere is a powerful strengthening agent. I felt yet another shift when we got married. When we had an argument over something important to me, I refused to back down just to pacify him. I met him on the battleground as an equal. Breaking up when married brings more complications than just grabbing the car keys and finding some boxes. There's built-in incentive to work out the problems on terms acceptable to both parties, not just make things better so he won't leave. Now, the experience of giving in to keep things pleasant might be mine alone. But I doubt it.

I'm just sayin' that when you get yourself into situations
that are better left for marriage, like playing house with a man, you've put the cart before the horse - or the house, as it were. Waiting until there's assurance of permanency goes a long way to giving us (women) the fortitude we need to stand as equals. No need to agree with me. I'm just sayin'.

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