Lasts

I've been thinking a lot about "lasts" lately.  You know - the "last" time you do something, see something, talk to someone - just "lasts," in general.  Yes, this is another one of those emotional posts.

Maybe it's been on my mind because Little One is getting bigger?  I know the last time I ever pick her up to carry her on my hip is coming.  My favorite hip-carry age is around 15 mos.  They're big enough to carry comfortably and they (my kids, at least) hold on tightly with their arms and knees.  I love it.  She's getting bigger and bigger and more independent and soon, before I realize it, she'll not want to be carried.

Maybe it's on my mind because I have a friend who's very sick and I have another friend who recently lost a friend?  Maybe it's on my mind because I had lost touch with my friend who passed recently?  Do we ever really know the last time we will talk to someone or write a letter to them or the last voice message they'll leave?

Maybe it's because another "last" crossed my mind?  A few years ago, a friend called while my parents were in town.  At the time, we lived thousands of miles from my parents and we hadn't seen them in a year.  I answered the phone, told her my parents were in town and said I'd call her back, and promptly forgot to call for a few weeks.  When I finally called, her number was disconnected.  Don't even ask how low I felt.  Years later, we connected briefly and she told me she had called that day to tell me her husband had left her and their kids, left them in crippling debt with no home or vehicle, and she needed to tell me she and the kids were moving in with her parents.  She had masked her voice well because, from her tone, I thought she was calling just to chat.  Had I known how badly she needed to talk that day, I would have excused myself and ducked into a quiet room and listened for hours. That was over ten years ago.  It doesn't weigh on me like it used to, but I've definitely learned to ask, "Anything going on or can I call you back?"  That was a big "last" that led to a big lesson.

Anyway, I've been thinking about lasts and how they can slip by without notice.  They slip by until one day you realize that moment was a last moment.  Maybe it's on my mind today because I've been noticing the passage of time and taking note of the preciousness of it?  Maybe it's just gloomy and gray outside today and I'm feeling maudlin?

It can be crippling, this "lasts" thing.

~ G