Monday, May 10, 2010

Heavy Heart

My heart feels heavy.  As Big Kid used to say, "I have sadness."  I have sadness.  And I have stress.  Without going into huge details, I will simply say that Darling and I are out of agreement about his career strategy.

Yes, it's his career, but something we SAHMs don't really talk about is how being a SAHM puts enormous trust in your husband's ability to provide for the family.  It takes confidence and faith to leave your career, stay home to raise the kids, and allow your husband to be the sole breadwinner.

Darling and I are a team in raising our family.  He's providing for our family financially while I'm providing care for our children and family.  He trusts that I'm caring for our children in a way that will prosper our family emotionally and spiritually and I trust that he will maneuver in his career in a way that will prosper our family materially.  Both roles are vital for our family to prosper.

Sometimes I feel as if I am at the mercy of his career decisions.  Sometimes I can see why some women wouldn't want to give up their personal financial security (via their career), to stay home and raise the family's children.  I can see it.  I can see how sacrificing a career on the family altar might seem like too large a sacrifice.  I can see it today because today I'm feeling utterly vulnerable.

Basically, I need to remember that Darling is my mate, my life partner, that we're in this together, and if we're both honest about our wants and needs, we'll come to an agreement.  Trust is way harder than it sounds.  So is marriage.  Just sayin'.

~ G

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