I've been stressed to the point where I've not been able to pray well. We're told in the Bible that when we can't pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. Oh - what do I mean by "pray well?" Well... I mean putting words to my thoughts, er, putting my thoughts into words. I mean taking the worries and queries and wonderings and praises and recognitions and putting them into words and addressing the Lord, be it through verbal or silent prayer.
Lately, I've been so stressed all I can do internally gasp, "Lord?" The whole prayer is encompassed completely in that one utterance. My heart has felt so bound up that I couldn't even speak for my heart - if that makes any sense.
The LOST finale (excellent, by the way) was last night and long after it ended, my mind whirred and purred while I attempted to sleep. Throw in some revealingly awful nightmares and I didn't sleep. Sigh. Nothing like some bad dreams to show you exactly what's weighing on you. I've been so tired and frazzled that my normally prone-to-get-misty-with-emotion eyes practically leak all the time and my mind is mush. I feel like a walking tear drop. It doesn't really work for me, this leaky-eye business.
This morning, when I "woke" up (really, how does one wake up when one didn't really sleep?), the world and all it's troubles felt utterly overwhelming. And then, probably from the Holy Spirit's prompting, I felt urged to pray.
Only this time, I felt an urge to specifically name what I was giving back to/asking the Lord. I named it. I got very specific and very clear and as the words came out of me - out loud in the car - an amazing thing happened.
With every word out of my mouth and offered to God, I felt stronger. Naming each thing before God took the power from the thing and replaced it with the power of God. The process took the weakness out of me and filled my spine with confidence that God has it. He has it.
I could tell you I'm ashamed it took a month or so (more like months, ahem) to remember to name each thing before God, but that would be a lie. Sometimes it takes the time it takes to get back where you need to be with God. Sometimes you have to get low enough that all you can see is the worry so that all you can focus on again is God.
There have several moments today when that weakness threatened to make me wobble again and immediately I prayed - in a clear and calm voice and I named it. Sometimes, you just have to name it.