Every year on Ash Wednesday, I pray and ask God what I should give up for Lent. Last year He asked me to add something. This year, I do not know. I have started praying and asking for insight into where and how I need to focus.
Thus far, I keep hearing "be kind."
Lord, please do not make me be kind. How can I be snarky if I have to be kind?
Sigh. I will keep praying and will report back here on the answer. Today is Fat Tuesday. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Surely, surely, there will be a better answer tomorrow.
Right?
~ G
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Whom Will You Serve?
I've mentioned a couple times that we're home churching. Last week's lesson was concluded with the story of Joshua and the wall of Jericho. The Scripture we wrote on our wipe board is Joshua 24:15.
It has been too long since I've dedicated myself to memorizing Scripture and since the fam and I are talking about the week's Scripture (even if only for a moment) every day, I felt compelled to learn it by heart.
Years ago, a friend gave me a little 3 1/2" x 5" spiral note card notebook and wrote on the cover "Bible Verse Book." Her hope was I'd write my memory verses in it. It sits on the raised bar above my sink so I can read it while doing dishes.
Let's face it, I spent a lot of time doing dishes.
So, I wrote in the book what is written on the wipe board:
"Choose... this day whom you will serve. But for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
The part that has hit home this week for me... and I need you to understand how hard it is for me to admit this... is "whom you will serve." For years, I thought that meant you either serve Satan or you serve God. Well, duh. That's a no brainer. I serve the Lord. Please. I'm a God Girl.
But what if I'm serving food? What if I'm not sold out to God and his provision, but to food? I treat myself to good food. I splurge on myself with food. I'm not dramatically overweight. Depending on the brand, I wear a 10-12. I really have no desire to go lower. I like me. I like how I look. I'm comfortable with how I look all nakey and stuff. And, frankly, Darling has not complained. But my go-to for relaxing, having a good time, rewarding myself, and socializing is food. Food is always involved.
This week I've been thinking about what "we will serve the Lord" really means. I have a feeling it will be a very long and thoughtful process. There are lots of layers to me and when you throw in Darling, Big Kid, Middle One, and Little One, the layers increase exponentially. I just know that when God lays a Scripture on my heart, there's a reason. That word "serve" has hit a nerve for me and I need to find out why and how and where and, yeah. Maybe it's time to make like Beth Moore and look up the original Greek word from the Scripture and learn what was originally intended?
Make no mistake, I'm still baking. God gave me a gift. I can bake. I can cook. But how do I use it? Who am I serving? How much of what I'm doing am I dedicating to God?
~ G
It has been too long since I've dedicated myself to memorizing Scripture and since the fam and I are talking about the week's Scripture (even if only for a moment) every day, I felt compelled to learn it by heart.
Years ago, a friend gave me a little 3 1/2" x 5" spiral note card notebook and wrote on the cover "Bible Verse Book." Her hope was I'd write my memory verses in it. It sits on the raised bar above my sink so I can read it while doing dishes.
Let's face it, I spent a lot of time doing dishes.
So, I wrote in the book what is written on the wipe board:
"Choose... this day whom you will serve. But for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
The part that has hit home this week for me... and I need you to understand how hard it is for me to admit this... is "whom you will serve." For years, I thought that meant you either serve Satan or you serve God. Well, duh. That's a no brainer. I serve the Lord. Please. I'm a God Girl.
But what if I'm serving food? What if I'm not sold out to God and his provision, but to food? I treat myself to good food. I splurge on myself with food. I'm not dramatically overweight. Depending on the brand, I wear a 10-12. I really have no desire to go lower. I like me. I like how I look. I'm comfortable with how I look all nakey and stuff. And, frankly, Darling has not complained. But my go-to for relaxing, having a good time, rewarding myself, and socializing is food. Food is always involved.
This week I've been thinking about what "we will serve the Lord" really means. I have a feeling it will be a very long and thoughtful process. There are lots of layers to me and when you throw in Darling, Big Kid, Middle One, and Little One, the layers increase exponentially. I just know that when God lays a Scripture on my heart, there's a reason. That word "serve" has hit a nerve for me and I need to find out why and how and where and, yeah. Maybe it's time to make like Beth Moore and look up the original Greek word from the Scripture and learn what was originally intended?
Make no mistake, I'm still baking. God gave me a gift. I can bake. I can cook. But how do I use it? Who am I serving? How much of what I'm doing am I dedicating to God?
~ G
Monday, May 24, 2010
Just Name It
I've been really stressed lately. Money stress. Health stress. Career stress. Liberals-trying-to-reshape-America stress. America-as-I-know-her-disappearing stress. All amounting to being too stressed. Not sleeping stressed. Inhaling too many M&M's stressed. Oh, hush, like you've never mowed through a medium-sized bag of M&M's in a few days (and frankly, if you haven't, today is not the day I want to hear about it, maybe tomorrow). I digress.
I've been stressed to the point where I've not been able to pray well. We're told in the Bible that when we can't pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. Oh - what do I mean by "pray well?" Well... I mean putting words to my thoughts, er, putting my thoughts into words. I mean taking the worries and queries and wonderings and praises and recognitions and putting them into words and addressing the Lord, be it through verbal or silent prayer.
Lately, I've been so stressed all I can do internally gasp, "Lord?" The whole prayer is encompassed completely in that one utterance. My heart has felt so bound up that I couldn't even speak for my heart - if that makes any sense.
The LOST finale (excellent, by the way) was last night and long after it ended, my mind whirred and purred while I attempted to sleep. Throw in some revealingly awful nightmares and I didn't sleep. Sigh. Nothing like some bad dreams to show you exactly what's weighing on you. I've been so tired and frazzled that my normally prone-to-get-misty-with-emotion eyes practically leak all the time and my mind is mush. I feel like a walking tear drop. It doesn't really work for me, this leaky-eye business.
This morning, when I "woke" up (really, how does one wake up when one didn't really sleep?), the world and all it's troubles felt utterly overwhelming. And then, probably from the Holy Spirit's prompting, I felt urged to pray.
Only this time, I felt an urge to specifically name what I was giving back to/asking the Lord. I named it. I got very specific and very clear and as the words came out of me - out loud in the car - an amazing thing happened.
With every word out of my mouth and offered to God, I felt stronger. Naming each thing before God took the power from the thing and replaced it with the power of God. The process took the weakness out of me and filled my spine with confidence that God has it. He has it.
I could tell you I'm ashamed it took a month or so (more like months, ahem) to remember to name each thing before God, but that would be a lie. Sometimes it takes the time it takes to get back where you need to be with God. Sometimes you have to get low enough that all you can see is the worry so that all you can focus on again is God.
There have several moments today when that weakness threatened to make me wobble again and immediately I prayed - in a clear and calm voice and I named it. Sometimes, you just have to name it.
~ G
Saturday, April 17, 2010
On My Mind Today
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
"Prosperity preaching" has bogged down my brain lately. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe because so many I love suffer right now? Probably. I reject the current practice of "prosperity" teaching. Being a Christian doesn't mean that life suddenly gets easy and if we believe enough our days become laced with bulging money bags and easy entry to all we desire. Rather, part of being a Christian means we can better frame our days by keeping our eyes on God.
Paul wrote the above in a letter to the Roman believers. First century Christians were savagely persecuted for their faith. Most of us Americans have no clue what it means to be persecuted for our faith. We can't truly appreciate what suffering for our faith means as Paul wrote it, unless we've spent enough time in a country where freedom of religion doesn't exist.
So how do we - how do I - apply the above Scripture to my life? To me, it means I don't always get what I want. I don't always get what I think I need. Sometimes things are hard to allow me to get closer to God, to burrow deeper in his Word, to learn to trust him even when I have no tangible, material reason to trust. How can I have faith or grow in faith if things are always easy?
We do suffer. When we suffer, we grow. The growth period may take days or years. God has his own time table. I am reminded of something my doula said to me. She said, "God exercises the muscles that need strengthening." I like that. We suffer when we're being exercised and that exercise takes us through a progression from suffering to perseverance to character to hope.
Anyway, that's just what's on my mind today.
~ G
"Prosperity preaching" has bogged down my brain lately. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe because so many I love suffer right now? Probably. I reject the current practice of "prosperity" teaching. Being a Christian doesn't mean that life suddenly gets easy and if we believe enough our days become laced with bulging money bags and easy entry to all we desire. Rather, part of being a Christian means we can better frame our days by keeping our eyes on God.
Paul wrote the above in a letter to the Roman believers. First century Christians were savagely persecuted for their faith. Most of us Americans have no clue what it means to be persecuted for our faith. We can't truly appreciate what suffering for our faith means as Paul wrote it, unless we've spent enough time in a country where freedom of religion doesn't exist.
So how do we - how do I - apply the above Scripture to my life? To me, it means I don't always get what I want. I don't always get what I think I need. Sometimes things are hard to allow me to get closer to God, to burrow deeper in his Word, to learn to trust him even when I have no tangible, material reason to trust. How can I have faith or grow in faith if things are always easy?
We do suffer. When we suffer, we grow. The growth period may take days or years. God has his own time table. I am reminded of something my doula said to me. She said, "God exercises the muscles that need strengthening." I like that. We suffer when we're being exercised and that exercise takes us through a progression from suffering to perseverance to character to hope.
Anyway, that's just what's on my mind today.
~ G
Lenten Commitment Review
Remember my Lenten Commitment? (If not, go here.) This was the first year God asked me to add something, rather than subtract something. I'd gotten away from reading my Bible daily and that was what God asked me to embrace again. So, I did.
An interesting thing happened. Of course, after I say it, all my God-girls out there will nod and say they knew it all along. I started craving the Word again. Every morning I'd read a little before getting on with the day - usually before stepping out of bed.
Over the Lenten season, I read Acts, part of Romans, and some of Luke and Mark. I'm still in Romans and will continue to read. Mornings just don't feel right without a few words from the Lord, you know? I'm not back to needing full-on, Beth Moore, in-depth, chewing on the Word, yet. That's not where I need to be. God's made it plain I am where He wants me. It's a good place to be.
~ G
An interesting thing happened. Of course, after I say it, all my God-girls out there will nod and say they knew it all along. I started craving the Word again. Every morning I'd read a little before getting on with the day - usually before stepping out of bed.
Over the Lenten season, I read Acts, part of Romans, and some of Luke and Mark. I'm still in Romans and will continue to read. Mornings just don't feel right without a few words from the Lord, you know? I'm not back to needing full-on, Beth Moore, in-depth, chewing on the Word, yet. That's not where I need to be. God's made it plain I am where He wants me. It's a good place to be.
~ G
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Give It Up Or Add It On?
Welcome to the Lenten season. In the past, Lent meant my giving up something. Each Ash Wednesday, I would pray and ask God to show me where I needed improving, to point out what caused me to stumble. Each year, without fail, the Lord pointed out something that needed to go. I would give it up and it would cleanse my heart and help me focus on the sacrifice He made for me.
This year's Ash Wednesday I prayed. I asked what I should purge. No answer. I prayed again. I asked what I needed to give up. What was leading me astray? No answer.
Now, I'm not the kind of girl who receives a non-answer answer and thinks, "All right! Home free!" Nope. That would not be me. I listen harder. I ask again. (Ask my mother. She'll tell you I don't take silence for an answer. Better yet, ask my husband.) So, I asked again. Still, nothing.
Well, sometimes God speaks through others. He spoke to me through a conversation with a girlfriend. We chatted Ash Wednesday night and she relayed the message of that evening's church service. The pastor had admonished us to pull closer to God. Get back in the Word. Make a commitment to study more. Sigh. And there it was.
This will be the first time in over a dozen years that I haven't given up something. Instead, I'm making a commitment to "add on" by reading the Word daily. I've gotten away from daily study - more on that later. I started in Acts. What better way to see what God can do than by seeing His acts?
I don't normally ask direct questions in posts, but I'm curious. What are you doing for Lent? Are you giving up anything? Are you focusing more on something? What are you doing to draw closer to the Lord? Leave a comment or email me. I'd love to know.
This year's Ash Wednesday I prayed. I asked what I should purge. No answer. I prayed again. I asked what I needed to give up. What was leading me astray? No answer.
Now, I'm not the kind of girl who receives a non-answer answer and thinks, "All right! Home free!" Nope. That would not be me. I listen harder. I ask again. (Ask my mother. She'll tell you I don't take silence for an answer. Better yet, ask my husband.) So, I asked again. Still, nothing.
Well, sometimes God speaks through others. He spoke to me through a conversation with a girlfriend. We chatted Ash Wednesday night and she relayed the message of that evening's church service. The pastor had admonished us to pull closer to God. Get back in the Word. Make a commitment to study more. Sigh. And there it was.
This will be the first time in over a dozen years that I haven't given up something. Instead, I'm making a commitment to "add on" by reading the Word daily. I've gotten away from daily study - more on that later. I started in Acts. What better way to see what God can do than by seeing His acts?
I don't normally ask direct questions in posts, but I'm curious. What are you doing for Lent? Are you giving up anything? Are you focusing more on something? What are you doing to draw closer to the Lord? Leave a comment or email me. I'd love to know.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Glimpses of Joy
Yesterday challenged the emotions, didn't it? Whew! Glad the first day of the new year is over. The pressure to manufacture joy or to bubble forth with glad tidings has ceased. Of course, if you read yesterday's post, you'll realize I neither manufactured joy nor bubbled forth with glad tidings. I moped and slumped in sadness. Although... a few glimpses of joy burst from under the clouds to brighten the mood.
So what happened? Ha ha! Well, at dinner, our youngest sat down and shouted, "eye!" "You? You need ice?" I asked. She squinted her two year-old eyes and yelled, "eye!" "You need ice?" She then poked herself in the eye and squealed, "EYE!" "OH! You have eyes?" "YES!" She commenced to giggling uncontrollably. Thank God for toddlers.
Other wonderful things that happened last night and today? Our youngest son snuggled with me. Our oldest son and I walked down the hall - and he held my hand! My husband told me he appreciated everything I do for him and our family. A son cleaned up his mess after (accidentally) dumping oatmeal all over the floor. And... tonight my husband and I have a date night where we only have to spend time with each other, no shopping or scurrying, just us being together.
Even when the big picture looks bleak, there are glimpses of joy. Or do I have it backwards? Is the big picture bright and joyful with spots of bleakness? I don't know. And... I don't know that I care one way or the other, but I am very thankful for the gut-busting laughter and the sweet, quiet moments.
So what happened? Ha ha! Well, at dinner, our youngest sat down and shouted, "eye!" "You? You need ice?" I asked. She squinted her two year-old eyes and yelled, "eye!" "You need ice?" She then poked herself in the eye and squealed, "EYE!" "OH! You have eyes?" "YES!" She commenced to giggling uncontrollably. Thank God for toddlers.
Other wonderful things that happened last night and today? Our youngest son snuggled with me. Our oldest son and I walked down the hall - and he held my hand! My husband told me he appreciated everything I do for him and our family. A son cleaned up his mess after (accidentally) dumping oatmeal all over the floor. And... tonight my husband and I have a date night where we only have to spend time with each other, no shopping or scurrying, just us being together.
Even when the big picture looks bleak, there are glimpses of joy. Or do I have it backwards? Is the big picture bright and joyful with spots of bleakness? I don't know. And... I don't know that I care one way or the other, but I am very thankful for the gut-busting laughter and the sweet, quiet moments.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
God Is Bigger
The song floating between the ears today doesn't come from the list of timeless classics, but from our friendly vegetables. As in Veggie Tales.
"God is bigger than the boogeyman. He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv. Oh, God is bigger than the boogeyman and He's watching out for you and me." In case you'd like to look it up, it's "Where Is God When I'm S-cared."
Seems like when we're grown-ups the boogeyman takes many shapes beyond the shadows in the closet - cancer, grown-up worries, grown-up problems. Seems like today's inbox has overflowed with friends forced to deal with their current version of the boogeyman. Who knew vegetables could transcend the fears of children to the worries of adults?
In the past few weeks, news of divorces, new cancer, old cancer, not-going-anywhere-with-a-small-chance-of-survival cancer, money trouble, parental worries, career worries, and more have flown at those I love.
So I worry. I pray. I give the worries to God. Then I grab them back to worry over them again. Then I remember to pray and give them back to God. It's shocking what a slow learner I am.
Today, when word arrived of yet another 35 year-old friend who had been diagnosed with cancer, the song started in my head. It may seem trite. It might seem disrespectful to sing a tune that bounces when sorrow and worry crumble around your feet. At the same time, isn't this what God has asked us to do? Does he not ask us to trust Him? To know He's bigger?
Doesn't He say in Romans 5:3 that we should rejoice in our suffering? Granted, rejoicing while suffering doesn't seem like fun, nor is it easy. But what if rejoicing doesn't mean having a party, but rather holding the knowledge that He has it - that because He is who He is, we're okay? What if singing a little song lifts our hearts enough to find some joy?
So, if skipping around in my head to a Veggie Tales tune brings me joy, then it is what it is.
Sing on!
And thank you Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki for bringing Bob and Larry to "life." God worked a message through you.
"God is bigger than the boogeyman. He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv. Oh, God is bigger than the boogeyman and He's watching out for you and me." In case you'd like to look it up, it's "Where Is God When I'm S-cared."
Seems like when we're grown-ups the boogeyman takes many shapes beyond the shadows in the closet - cancer, grown-up worries, grown-up problems. Seems like today's inbox has overflowed with friends forced to deal with their current version of the boogeyman. Who knew vegetables could transcend the fears of children to the worries of adults?
In the past few weeks, news of divorces, new cancer, old cancer, not-going-anywhere-with-a-small-chance-of-survival cancer, money trouble, parental worries, career worries, and more have flown at those I love.
So I worry. I pray. I give the worries to God. Then I grab them back to worry over them again. Then I remember to pray and give them back to God. It's shocking what a slow learner I am.
Today, when word arrived of yet another 35 year-old friend who had been diagnosed with cancer, the song started in my head. It may seem trite. It might seem disrespectful to sing a tune that bounces when sorrow and worry crumble around your feet. At the same time, isn't this what God has asked us to do? Does he not ask us to trust Him? To know He's bigger?
Doesn't He say in Romans 5:3 that we should rejoice in our suffering? Granted, rejoicing while suffering doesn't seem like fun, nor is it easy. But what if rejoicing doesn't mean having a party, but rather holding the knowledge that He has it - that because He is who He is, we're okay? What if singing a little song lifts our hearts enough to find some joy?
So, if skipping around in my head to a Veggie Tales tune brings me joy, then it is what it is.
Sing on!
And thank you Phil Vischer and Mike Nawrocki for bringing Bob and Larry to "life." God worked a message through you.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Time to Breathe
What a long hiatus. Seems the past month has brought all kinds of interesting growth opportunities, courtesy of our Lord. He showed me patience, kindness, gentleness, and peace. Each week was exactly what I needed.
The amazing thing is that when I needed patience or peace or kindness or patience, God filled me with it. All I had to do was pause. Pause long enough to let the Spirit guide me.
Of course, this makes me seem like a fabulous disciple. I'm not. I'm a mess. I yell at my kids. I yell at my husband. I'm selfish. I'm petty.
Part of the last month has been a couple of weeks without that dear man I yell at because he was on a business trip. The kids passed around pink eye. One morning I woke up with a crick in my neck that took 5 days to go away. Then I had a cold that has turned into a mean sinus infection.
Apologies for the absence. While God's teaching my heart, my head and skills are in survival mode. It's been post and chat with faceless followers or use every ounce of energy to care of my family. And me. Certainly you understand.
The amazing thing is that when I needed patience or peace or kindness or patience, God filled me with it. All I had to do was pause. Pause long enough to let the Spirit guide me.
Of course, this makes me seem like a fabulous disciple. I'm not. I'm a mess. I yell at my kids. I yell at my husband. I'm selfish. I'm petty.
Part of the last month has been a couple of weeks without that dear man I yell at because he was on a business trip. The kids passed around pink eye. One morning I woke up with a crick in my neck that took 5 days to go away. Then I had a cold that has turned into a mean sinus infection.
Apologies for the absence. While God's teaching my heart, my head and skills are in survival mode. It's been post and chat with faceless followers or use every ounce of energy to care of my family. And me. Certainly you understand.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Peace - Little Glimpses
Yesterday glowed with little glimpses of peace.
My daughter played happily outside while I sat under the canopy and checked email. My sons played joyously together and even found ways to include their little sister. Last night, my second son and I played "Sorry" by ourselves. We were in a quiet room, no TV, no noise, just us playing a game. It felt idyllic. While we played, DH and our older son watched "The Universe." Our older son also compiled a list of "good consequences" for doing unpleasant tasks. It worked. He took his evening antibiotics without a fuss and earned his reward. It worked this morning, too. (Amen!) And on the financial side, I worked on the checkbook and everything looks settled for the month. After the upheaval of last week, knowing we're back on track fills me with satisfaction and peace. (Amen!)
All of this was in spite of second son having pink eye in both eyes. In spite of pink eye coursing through the family. And the blow-up with first son over antibiotics in the morning.
What was the sweetest moment of the day? What little glimpse of peace and perfection did God hold onto until the end of the day? As you know, our boy has pink eye in both eyes. The medicine stings his eyes. Our pediatrician had said that if we couldn't get the drops in their open eyes we could hold them on their backs, let them close their eyes, and aim the drops into the inside corner of said closed eyes. When they blink, the drops will go in their eyes. Brilliant advice.
So last night, our son would not allow drops. I waited until he was asleep for the night, moved him onto his back, and administered the drops. He woke up just enough to say, "ouwee, ouwee, ouwee, ouwee." What a peek into his heart. Who wakes up in pain and says, "ouwee?" I hate to admit it, but I would probably swear like a sailor and possibly throw a few punches. But my boy... I love that his heart is so sweet and pure. I know he's only six and probably won't say "ouwee" when he's sixty, but right now my heart is full with the knowledge that despite his having a mother who would swear like a sailor and throw a few punches, he only mutters "ouwee." My heart is full. And peaceful.
My daughter played happily outside while I sat under the canopy and checked email. My sons played joyously together and even found ways to include their little sister. Last night, my second son and I played "Sorry" by ourselves. We were in a quiet room, no TV, no noise, just us playing a game. It felt idyllic. While we played, DH and our older son watched "The Universe." Our older son also compiled a list of "good consequences" for doing unpleasant tasks. It worked. He took his evening antibiotics without a fuss and earned his reward. It worked this morning, too. (Amen!) And on the financial side, I worked on the checkbook and everything looks settled for the month. After the upheaval of last week, knowing we're back on track fills me with satisfaction and peace. (Amen!)
All of this was in spite of second son having pink eye in both eyes. In spite of pink eye coursing through the family. And the blow-up with first son over antibiotics in the morning.
What was the sweetest moment of the day? What little glimpse of peace and perfection did God hold onto until the end of the day? As you know, our boy has pink eye in both eyes. The medicine stings his eyes. Our pediatrician had said that if we couldn't get the drops in their open eyes we could hold them on their backs, let them close their eyes, and aim the drops into the inside corner of said closed eyes. When they blink, the drops will go in their eyes. Brilliant advice.
So last night, our son would not allow drops. I waited until he was asleep for the night, moved him onto his back, and administered the drops. He woke up just enough to say, "ouwee, ouwee, ouwee, ouwee." What a peek into his heart. Who wakes up in pain and says, "ouwee?" I hate to admit it, but I would probably swear like a sailor and possibly throw a few punches. But my boy... I love that his heart is so sweet and pure. I know he's only six and probably won't say "ouwee" when he's sixty, but right now my heart is full with the knowledge that despite his having a mother who would swear like a sailor and throw a few punches, he only mutters "ouwee." My heart is full. And peaceful.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Joy - It Took Awhile
Friday evening I sat in this very seat, basking in the glow of my family. It was... joy. Joy. Yep. After a long week of wondering if there was something wrong with me for not flitting about with bubbles circling my head (although I'm not thrilled with the bubble idea), the work week ended with joy.
How did I get there? Well. Let's examine the week:
Big sigh.
We had to cancel plans for our anniversary trip. We had planned to spend our anniversary at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, much like the one we enjoyed on our honeymoon. Prudence convinced me not to buy plane tickets until we took care of a few things, just in case. Well, "just in case" turned into reality and then reality turned into responsibility and responsibility turned into canceling the trip. I cried. I pouted. I was not my best self. But I didn't use money we didn't have to get what I wanted. Again, responsibility. Someday we'll go back to Mexico in real life. I say "real life" because we both visit there occasionally, if only in our minds. It's such a lovely place. Beautiful beaches. Lots of food. Lots of frosty beverages. No responsibilities. I digress...
In taking care of "reality," we depleted our resources considerably. We weren't broke, although I felt broke. Last week felt like a continual outlay of cash. Throw in another visit to the pediatrician and another certifiably sick kid and the money kept leaking out of the bank account. I'd been in the pediatrician's office with one or more sick kids every week since early March. Another sick kid meant another visit to the pharmacy. Adios, cash. Add it all up and and it was not a joy-filled week. It was a grumpy, testy, had-enough kind of week.
I kept hearing my declaration to the powers of darkness to "bring it on." Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have done that? Maybe that was the problem? No. No. God is bigger than the boogieman. (Thank you, Veggie Tales.) I was missing something. What was it? By Friday afternoon I felt empty and worn and spiritually flattened and desperately needed my load lifted.
And then...
Friday afternoon came. With it came my darling husband who arrived home early. Not only did he arrive early, he had stopped by the store. While staying within budget, he bought tasty bits to grill. He commandeered dinner. The kids played with cheerful abandon. I sat in this very seat. I surveyed my family and felt something filling my heart that had been vacant from my heart all week: Joy.
I know it sounds trite. I don't care. I say it is true: Joy isn't in a vacation or a bank account or a weeks' break from the doctor's office or not seeing the sympathetic smile from the pharmacist who saw you just a few days ago. Joy is being with the ones you love, who love you, who don't care about unlimited margaritas or 24-hour room service or multiple digits in the savings account. Joy is simple. It is stripped of the fluff of life. And it isn't found surrounded by fuzzy bunnies, rainbows, or bubbles. Thank God.
How did I get there? Well. Let's examine the week:
Big sigh.
We had to cancel plans for our anniversary trip. We had planned to spend our anniversary at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, much like the one we enjoyed on our honeymoon. Prudence convinced me not to buy plane tickets until we took care of a few things, just in case. Well, "just in case" turned into reality and then reality turned into responsibility and responsibility turned into canceling the trip. I cried. I pouted. I was not my best self. But I didn't use money we didn't have to get what I wanted. Again, responsibility. Someday we'll go back to Mexico in real life. I say "real life" because we both visit there occasionally, if only in our minds. It's such a lovely place. Beautiful beaches. Lots of food. Lots of frosty beverages. No responsibilities. I digress...
In taking care of "reality," we depleted our resources considerably. We weren't broke, although I felt broke. Last week felt like a continual outlay of cash. Throw in another visit to the pediatrician and another certifiably sick kid and the money kept leaking out of the bank account. I'd been in the pediatrician's office with one or more sick kids every week since early March. Another sick kid meant another visit to the pharmacy. Adios, cash. Add it all up and and it was not a joy-filled week. It was a grumpy, testy, had-enough kind of week.
I kept hearing my declaration to the powers of darkness to "bring it on." Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have done that? Maybe that was the problem? No. No. God is bigger than the boogieman. (Thank you, Veggie Tales.) I was missing something. What was it? By Friday afternoon I felt empty and worn and spiritually flattened and desperately needed my load lifted.
And then...
Friday afternoon came. With it came my darling husband who arrived home early. Not only did he arrive early, he had stopped by the store. While staying within budget, he bought tasty bits to grill. He commandeered dinner. The kids played with cheerful abandon. I sat in this very seat. I surveyed my family and felt something filling my heart that had been vacant from my heart all week: Joy.
I know it sounds trite. I don't care. I say it is true: Joy isn't in a vacation or a bank account or a weeks' break from the doctor's office or not seeing the sympathetic smile from the pharmacist who saw you just a few days ago. Joy is being with the ones you love, who love you, who don't care about unlimited margaritas or 24-hour room service or multiple digits in the savings account. Joy is simple. It is stripped of the fluff of life. And it isn't found surrounded by fuzzy bunnies, rainbows, or bubbles. Thank God.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Love - Days 2 and 3 - Sacrifice
Remember the question from the beginning of the Challenge?
"Where does God draw the line between kindness and sacrifice?"
Last week seemed to focus on practicing kindness while this week of love has sacrifice woven into it. The Scripture that continues to roll around in my head isn't "love your neighbor as yourself" (Lev. 19:18), but rather "Take your son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about" (Gen. 22:2).
I realize that at first glance, this sounds as if I'm feeling morbid or angry or persecuted. I'm not. What I am recognizing is that while we, as humans, recognize sacrifice as something terrible and painful, the act means something completely different to God. God wants us to be so willing to serve Him that we are willing to sacrifice what we most love.
Of course, we know the end of the Isaac sacrifice story. An angel appeared to Abraham on the mountain as Isaac was prepared to be sacrificed. The angel ordered him to stop and showed him the ram in the thicket. The ram was sacrificed instead of Isaac. God blessed Abraham and made him the father of many nations. Because Abraham was willing to go to any lengths to serve the Lord, the Lord gave him back what he loved and blessed him.
What does this mean for me in my small life? The only thing God holds dear is my love for Him. When I put God first, He will bless me.
I didn't realize it until I started typing this morning, but God has given me several lessons in sacrifice.
The baby just woke up and I need to attend her. I'll post more later.
"Where does God draw the line between kindness and sacrifice?"
Last week seemed to focus on practicing kindness while this week of love has sacrifice woven into it. The Scripture that continues to roll around in my head isn't "love your neighbor as yourself" (Lev. 19:18), but rather "Take your son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about" (Gen. 22:2).
I realize that at first glance, this sounds as if I'm feeling morbid or angry or persecuted. I'm not. What I am recognizing is that while we, as humans, recognize sacrifice as something terrible and painful, the act means something completely different to God. God wants us to be so willing to serve Him that we are willing to sacrifice what we most love.
Of course, we know the end of the Isaac sacrifice story. An angel appeared to Abraham on the mountain as Isaac was prepared to be sacrificed. The angel ordered him to stop and showed him the ram in the thicket. The ram was sacrificed instead of Isaac. God blessed Abraham and made him the father of many nations. Because Abraham was willing to go to any lengths to serve the Lord, the Lord gave him back what he loved and blessed him.
What does this mean for me in my small life? The only thing God holds dear is my love for Him. When I put God first, He will bless me.
I didn't realize it until I started typing this morning, but God has given me several lessons in sacrifice.
The baby just woke up and I need to attend her. I'll post more later.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Kindness - Day 5 - Almost-Instant Gratification
So what happened after the excitement of yesterday?
I say it all stopped, but that doesn't mean sunshine and bunnies started shooting out of my eyes. I still felt drained and utterly exhausted. My DH (dear husband) wanted to talk to me about his career and some adjustments we might need to make. At 10:30 PM. It took a great deal of self-control to not bicker and snip at him. He needed to talk, but I was fried and didn't want to pay attention. Nor did I want to care. But I do care. Very much. So I listened and we talked and as it always does, it rolled around in my head and kept me awake. Note that I practiced kindness here in a couple of ways. I listened and participated when he needed me AND I didn't punch him in the shoulder later when he was sleeping soundly and I was wound up thinking about what he shared. That was also self-control, but that's another week.
Then our little girl woke up crying at 2:10 AM. She didn't settle herself, so I got her out of bed for a cuddle. She's so funny when she's tired in the middle of the night.
"Do you want a drink?"
"Yeah" ( in a wee little girl voice)
"Okay, here's a sippy of milk for you."
She reaches up, takes it, then just holds it to her chest for a minute. No drinking. She just holds it. A minute later, she was back in bed, the sippy back in the fridge. She's out like a light and I'm wide awake, rethinking everything DH said, completely misinterpreting it because it's 2:45 in the morning. I can't watch TV because it's still broken. No book to read. No magazine to thumb through. Check email. Force myself back to bed to toss and turn again until 4:20. Such a bummer when that happens! I've always envied those who could decide to sleep and just close their eyes and conk out. Me? It takes the convergence of many forces to knock me out.
When the alarm clock bellowed this morning, my fog didn't lift much. Fatigue can do that to you. I wasn't despondent at all... just out of it.
And then the fog lifted. DH reiterated his points again. By the light of day, it made much more sense. Wish I could convince him to refrain from big conversations until morning when I can focus. Then, later, he called to confirm that he would have extra income this summer and to look for anniversary trip options. (AMEN) The repairman came and finished fixing the TV, which didn't need another expensive part after all, and the cost came it at the original, lower price. (AMEN)
What have I learned thus far? God has reminded me that He's the ultimate teacher and while I may have been trying to teach myself by seeking out the big answers to the big questions, He already had a plan for my week. This week hasn't focused on Bible study, but rather God directions. Granted, it's only Friday and Day 5 of the Kindness week. Weeks have 7 days. Two days of kindness left.
Thus far, I'm thankful for the lessons. I haven't flipped out on anyone. Yet. I'm seeing how many ways we can be kind everyday, from how we treat our loved ones, to the professionals who come to our home, to how we respond to the changes of the day.
I'm also very thankful God gave me some almost-instant gratification today by resolving a few issues. One of them is utterly selfish (anniversary trip), and I appreciate it very much. I had convinced myself it was a selfish expense and unnecessary and God was telling us that we needed to stay home. Seems the money is still there. (Thank you!) An anniversary trip isn't a done deal until we're there, but at least it's still on the table. And I'm okay with that.
I say it all stopped, but that doesn't mean sunshine and bunnies started shooting out of my eyes. I still felt drained and utterly exhausted. My DH (dear husband) wanted to talk to me about his career and some adjustments we might need to make. At 10:30 PM. It took a great deal of self-control to not bicker and snip at him. He needed to talk, but I was fried and didn't want to pay attention. Nor did I want to care. But I do care. Very much. So I listened and we talked and as it always does, it rolled around in my head and kept me awake. Note that I practiced kindness here in a couple of ways. I listened and participated when he needed me AND I didn't punch him in the shoulder later when he was sleeping soundly and I was wound up thinking about what he shared. That was also self-control, but that's another week.
Then our little girl woke up crying at 2:10 AM. She didn't settle herself, so I got her out of bed for a cuddle. She's so funny when she's tired in the middle of the night.
"Do you want a drink?"
"Yeah" ( in a wee little girl voice)
"Okay, here's a sippy of milk for you."
She reaches up, takes it, then just holds it to her chest for a minute. No drinking. She just holds it. A minute later, she was back in bed, the sippy back in the fridge. She's out like a light and I'm wide awake, rethinking everything DH said, completely misinterpreting it because it's 2:45 in the morning. I can't watch TV because it's still broken. No book to read. No magazine to thumb through. Check email. Force myself back to bed to toss and turn again until 4:20. Such a bummer when that happens! I've always envied those who could decide to sleep and just close their eyes and conk out. Me? It takes the convergence of many forces to knock me out.
When the alarm clock bellowed this morning, my fog didn't lift much. Fatigue can do that to you. I wasn't despondent at all... just out of it.
And then the fog lifted. DH reiterated his points again. By the light of day, it made much more sense. Wish I could convince him to refrain from big conversations until morning when I can focus. Then, later, he called to confirm that he would have extra income this summer and to look for anniversary trip options. (AMEN) The repairman came and finished fixing the TV, which didn't need another expensive part after all, and the cost came it at the original, lower price. (AMEN)
What have I learned thus far? God has reminded me that He's the ultimate teacher and while I may have been trying to teach myself by seeking out the big answers to the big questions, He already had a plan for my week. This week hasn't focused on Bible study, but rather God directions. Granted, it's only Friday and Day 5 of the Kindness week. Weeks have 7 days. Two days of kindness left.
Thus far, I'm thankful for the lessons. I haven't flipped out on anyone. Yet. I'm seeing how many ways we can be kind everyday, from how we treat our loved ones, to the professionals who come to our home, to how we respond to the changes of the day.
I'm also very thankful God gave me some almost-instant gratification today by resolving a few issues. One of them is utterly selfish (anniversary trip), and I appreciate it very much. I had convinced myself it was a selfish expense and unnecessary and God was telling us that we needed to stay home. Seems the money is still there. (Thank you!) An anniversary trip isn't a done deal until we're there, but at least it's still on the table. And I'm okay with that.
Kindness - Day 4 - Bring It On
Question:
How do you know when you're on the right track? How do you know when you're doing so well following God's directions that you're under attack?
Answer:
When you end your day by stating with authority, "ENOUGH! You're done. My God is bigger than you and you will not win. Out! Angels who protect me and my family, guard us against all evil and keep us safe. Evil, you can bring it on. But. You. Won't. Win."
Curious what kind of day would inspire that kind of ending?
Let's back up to Wednesday when the TV blitzed out. *sigh* This TV was my grandmother's and was given to us when she passed in January. My Dad sounded a little, well, like it wasn't time to say goodbye to the TV, yet, when I called to ask it's age. So, the hubby and I needed to get it fixed. The repairman was here on Wednesday, but wasn't able to fix the TV completely because he didn't have a necessary part. He came back yesterday and wasn't able to finish fixing the TV. Ouch. Things were beginning to look expensive. Excuse me, more expensive.
Another confirmed expense yesterday? Our roof. Over a month ago we had a major hailstorm that flung baseball and softball sized hail at our neighborhood. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea a roof could be "totaled." They can. Ours is. The insurance check came yesterday and the roofer came to discuss details on when and how much we would be out of pocket. We're out less than our deductible, but more than expected. Ouch. Again.
One intriguing (God thing?) about yesterday was a conversation about God... with the roofer. Turns out he's a physics student who has spent a considerable amount of time focusing on dimensions. He said science has proven multiple dimensions, but our eyes can only see three. His point was that the closer we get to God, the more we are attacked. The principalities of darkness are interested in keeping us as far from God as possible and they *are* around us. We just can't see them because our eyes are limited to 3-D.
Of course, at this point in the day I felt utterly deflated because the roofing cost was draining funds from our dreamt-of anniversary trip. The TV still wasn't working and the repairman had yet to arrive for what would be yet another fruitless attempt at fixing the TV.
By the time the kids were in bed, the repairman was gone, the money was spent, the kitchen still needed cleaning (again), I felt poor of cash and spirit, and I was drained. I slumped in the recliner and hung my head.
Then, slowly, I raised my chin and whispered the statement above, reprinted here for the sheer delight of doing it:
"ENOUGH! You're done. My God is bigger than you and you will not win. Out! Angels who protect me and my family, guard us against all evil and keep us safe. Evil, you can bring it on. But. You. Won't. Win."
And it stopped.
So what happened next? Well, that's another post.
How do you know when you're on the right track? How do you know when you're doing so well following God's directions that you're under attack?
Answer:
When you end your day by stating with authority, "ENOUGH! You're done. My God is bigger than you and you will not win. Out! Angels who protect me and my family, guard us against all evil and keep us safe. Evil, you can bring it on. But. You. Won't. Win."
Curious what kind of day would inspire that kind of ending?
Let's back up to Wednesday when the TV blitzed out. *sigh* This TV was my grandmother's and was given to us when she passed in January. My Dad sounded a little, well, like it wasn't time to say goodbye to the TV, yet, when I called to ask it's age. So, the hubby and I needed to get it fixed. The repairman was here on Wednesday, but wasn't able to fix the TV completely because he didn't have a necessary part. He came back yesterday and wasn't able to finish fixing the TV. Ouch. Things were beginning to look expensive. Excuse me, more expensive.
Another confirmed expense yesterday? Our roof. Over a month ago we had a major hailstorm that flung baseball and softball sized hail at our neighborhood. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea a roof could be "totaled." They can. Ours is. The insurance check came yesterday and the roofer came to discuss details on when and how much we would be out of pocket. We're out less than our deductible, but more than expected. Ouch. Again.
One intriguing (God thing?) about yesterday was a conversation about God... with the roofer. Turns out he's a physics student who has spent a considerable amount of time focusing on dimensions. He said science has proven multiple dimensions, but our eyes can only see three. His point was that the closer we get to God, the more we are attacked. The principalities of darkness are interested in keeping us as far from God as possible and they *are* around us. We just can't see them because our eyes are limited to 3-D.
Of course, at this point in the day I felt utterly deflated because the roofing cost was draining funds from our dreamt-of anniversary trip. The TV still wasn't working and the repairman had yet to arrive for what would be yet another fruitless attempt at fixing the TV.
By the time the kids were in bed, the repairman was gone, the money was spent, the kitchen still needed cleaning (again), I felt poor of cash and spirit, and I was drained. I slumped in the recliner and hung my head.
Then, slowly, I raised my chin and whispered the statement above, reprinted here for the sheer delight of doing it:
"ENOUGH! You're done. My God is bigger than you and you will not win. Out! Angels who protect me and my family, guard us against all evil and keep us safe. Evil, you can bring it on. But. You. Won't. Win."
And it stopped.
So what happened next? Well, that's another post.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Kindness - Day 3a - Pootyhead
Remember my big question the other day about the line between kindness and sacrifice? Turns out I don't think that's where God wants my energy. He's the ultimate teacher, right? He has the authority to change lesson plans.
At the preschool program today, I wanted to sit by my friend. I like her and I'm comfortable with her and she makes me laugh and feel normal. The other mothers, not so much. But what happened? My dear, sweet son sat me in the middle of the the women who have said no more than a handful of words to me since September. As he led me to the seat, I thought, "Oh, you are funny, God. Kindness means not just what comes out my mouth and shoots off my face in an expression, but what's in my heart."
I DON'T WANNA!
Okay. So I didn't really yell that, though I seriously considered evasive action for a split second. Nope, like the teacher-pleaser I am, I sat my posterior down where my child directed. You know what happened next? And I promise I'm trying to keep the preachy tone down. I thought of Galatians 5:22-23 and the commentary in the Life Application Bible and how it said that I can't will myself to have the fruits, but that I needed to invite the Spirit to produce them in me.
I let go. That's all I did. I let go. I let go of all the thoughts swirling in my head and poof! They seemed to just swirl right out of me. Suddenly I felt relaxed and ... kind.
No. Way.
I don't know if this fits in or not or maybe it does so much I can't see the forest for the trees. I'll let you be the judge. I've had Mama Worries lately about my relationship with my children. Sometimes I wonder/worry if their emotional needs are being met.
Last night, after lying in bed for over an hour and not sleeping, it finally dawned on me to pray. (Duh.) I was physically exhausted, but my brain was just racing. The words of two friends melded and it dawned on my addled brain to pray for God to use me to meet the needs of those around me. Let me be where He wants me to be and use me for His purposes. I fell asleep instantly.
In answer to prayer, this morning our oldest came in our room after his alarm clock woke him. I invited him to snuggle with me while we watched the weather report. He curled up with me, we looked at the weather, and then I hit the "off" button. We snuggled and talked. He nuzzled into me and in those few minutes before the day launched, I knew he felt what every kid should feel in his own home. Amen.
So am I getting answers to my big question about the line between kindness and sacrifice? Kinda. What God's teaching right now is that it's about letting go of the "me" getting in the way and letting Him be kind through me.
Anyone else notice it's only Wednesday and I started this on Monday? Am I gonna be like Gandi by the time this is over? Well, probably not. Gandi wasn't Christian. Mother Teresa? No. She wasn't Protestant. An insufferable pious pootyhead? Oye, vay. ;-)
(side note: the built-in spell check doesn't seem to mind "pootyhead." really? "pootyhead" passes spell check? and here I was thinking I was all clever... think I found the title for the post)
At the preschool program today, I wanted to sit by my friend. I like her and I'm comfortable with her and she makes me laugh and feel normal. The other mothers, not so much. But what happened? My dear, sweet son sat me in the middle of the the women who have said no more than a handful of words to me since September. As he led me to the seat, I thought, "Oh, you are funny, God. Kindness means not just what comes out my mouth and shoots off my face in an expression, but what's in my heart."
I DON'T WANNA!
Okay. So I didn't really yell that, though I seriously considered evasive action for a split second. Nope, like the teacher-pleaser I am, I sat my posterior down where my child directed. You know what happened next? And I promise I'm trying to keep the preachy tone down. I thought of Galatians 5:22-23 and the commentary in the Life Application Bible and how it said that I can't will myself to have the fruits, but that I needed to invite the Spirit to produce them in me.
I let go. That's all I did. I let go. I let go of all the thoughts swirling in my head and poof! They seemed to just swirl right out of me. Suddenly I felt relaxed and ... kind.
No. Way.
I don't know if this fits in or not or maybe it does so much I can't see the forest for the trees. I'll let you be the judge. I've had Mama Worries lately about my relationship with my children. Sometimes I wonder/worry if their emotional needs are being met.
Last night, after lying in bed for over an hour and not sleeping, it finally dawned on me to pray. (Duh.) I was physically exhausted, but my brain was just racing. The words of two friends melded and it dawned on my addled brain to pray for God to use me to meet the needs of those around me. Let me be where He wants me to be and use me for His purposes. I fell asleep instantly.
In answer to prayer, this morning our oldest came in our room after his alarm clock woke him. I invited him to snuggle with me while we watched the weather report. He curled up with me, we looked at the weather, and then I hit the "off" button. We snuggled and talked. He nuzzled into me and in those few minutes before the day launched, I knew he felt what every kid should feel in his own home. Amen.
So am I getting answers to my big question about the line between kindness and sacrifice? Kinda. What God's teaching right now is that it's about letting go of the "me" getting in the way and letting Him be kind through me.
Anyone else notice it's only Wednesday and I started this on Monday? Am I gonna be like Gandi by the time this is over? Well, probably not. Gandi wasn't Christian. Mother Teresa? No. She wasn't Protestant. An insufferable pious pootyhead? Oye, vay. ;-)
(side note: the built-in spell check doesn't seem to mind "pootyhead." really? "pootyhead" passes spell check? and here I was thinking I was all clever... think I found the title for the post)
Kindness - Day 3 - God's Laughing
Okay. Here's the deal. When you tell God you're going on a journey with Him, be prepared. Did you hear me? Be. Prepared. The nice little week you'd planned for yourself will not - will not- ease on down the road as you'd expected. No. What will happen is you will find yourself being tested. God will smile. And God will laugh.
I'm okay with that.
I'm a mom. I understand laughing with love at the foibles of my child.
What has happened in my world you ask?
(Deep breath) Here we go: Last week our fancy kitchen faucet (by fancy I mean slight improvement over builder's grade) stopped swiveling. That's bad. It's supposed to swivel 150+-degrees. No more swiveling. Then it was challenging to pull out the sprayer head. That's bad, too. Monday, I called our dandy warranty company and they arranged for the plumber to come out yesterday. This was where my exercise in kindness began.
The plumber was to arrive between 8-12. (You're already laughing. That's okay. Save some energy, though. It gets better.) He wasn't here at 2:00. I called the company and asked if he still planned on coming. Apparently he had a big job that was bigger than expected, he'd be here in an hour or so. Lovely. I called again at 4:00 to verify. Yes, he was on his way. The plumber called at 4:30 to tell me he would be here by 5:30. I was fine. I was pleasant. I was kind. Very kind.
"Sure," I said. He arrived at 5:30. Reeking of smoke. Wearing his dirty boots on my carpet. Came into my kitchen. Tried to move the faucet. And then... asked me what was wrong.
Seriously? You can't tell?
Deep breath.
He looked under the sink and then asked for my deductible. I wrote the check. He then said he needed to call my warranty company because ... he may not be able to fix it.
You're kidding me, right? So, he headed out to his truck. A few minutes later, the warranty company calls to explain to me that the plumber is concerned that if he takes it apart, he won't be able to fix it tonight and I'd be without a faucet for awhile - as in days. Ha ha ha.
I was kind. I was firm, but pleasant. The plumber came back in, talked to me for a few minutes, then left. When he left I had two options. I could get a new faucet from the warranty company that would be a downgrade (no, thank you) or I could buy a new faucet out-of-pocket and then pay the plumber out-of-pocket to install it (no, thank you).
Over the next 30 minutes I worked the phone and called the warranty company and Delta Faucets. Delta (excellent company, highly recommend them) is sending out a replacement, newer version of my faucet and the warranty company will pay the plumber to install it. All I'm out is my deductible, which the plumber so charmingly procured earlier. Now I need to wait until the new faucet arrives to finish the process.
For the record, in all my dealings with the representatives of the several companies, I was KIND. I wasn't sweet or anything, but I was kind. Although, I did feel as if I had just finished a marathon. And God laughed and nodded.
So this morning... ha ha ha
I turn on the tv and it has red shadows over everything. Woo-hoo! (That was sarcasm.) I'll spare you the details on this one, but long story short, the repairman is coming this evening to fix it.
Those have been the challenges. Let me tell you about the blessings of the past few days - the sheer, no silver-lining-searching blessings.
This morning my second son had a Muffins with Moms at his preschool. The kids had written books about their moms and shared them. My son likes it when I bake cakes, when we play puzzles, and he thinks I'm pretty when I come pick him up. *grin* Then I picked up my daughter who was at a friend's house. She had a good time there, no crying, no fussing. *grin* We left there to go to my oldest son's school to have lunch with him. He was thrilled to see us. His face could barely contain his smile. *grin* After lunch, little girl and I headed home. She was tired and worn out. She wanted to go to sleep, but would not stay in her bed without... having her teeth brushed. *grin*
I'm okay with that.
I'm a mom. I understand laughing with love at the foibles of my child.
What has happened in my world you ask?
(Deep breath) Here we go: Last week our fancy kitchen faucet (by fancy I mean slight improvement over builder's grade) stopped swiveling. That's bad. It's supposed to swivel 150+-degrees. No more swiveling. Then it was challenging to pull out the sprayer head. That's bad, too. Monday, I called our dandy warranty company and they arranged for the plumber to come out yesterday. This was where my exercise in kindness began.
The plumber was to arrive between 8-12. (You're already laughing. That's okay. Save some energy, though. It gets better.) He wasn't here at 2:00. I called the company and asked if he still planned on coming. Apparently he had a big job that was bigger than expected, he'd be here in an hour or so. Lovely. I called again at 4:00 to verify. Yes, he was on his way. The plumber called at 4:30 to tell me he would be here by 5:30. I was fine. I was pleasant. I was kind. Very kind.
"Sure," I said. He arrived at 5:30. Reeking of smoke. Wearing his dirty boots on my carpet. Came into my kitchen. Tried to move the faucet. And then... asked me what was wrong.
Seriously? You can't tell?
Deep breath.
He looked under the sink and then asked for my deductible. I wrote the check. He then said he needed to call my warranty company because ... he may not be able to fix it.
You're kidding me, right? So, he headed out to his truck. A few minutes later, the warranty company calls to explain to me that the plumber is concerned that if he takes it apart, he won't be able to fix it tonight and I'd be without a faucet for awhile - as in days. Ha ha ha.
I was kind. I was firm, but pleasant. The plumber came back in, talked to me for a few minutes, then left. When he left I had two options. I could get a new faucet from the warranty company that would be a downgrade (no, thank you) or I could buy a new faucet out-of-pocket and then pay the plumber out-of-pocket to install it (no, thank you).
Over the next 30 minutes I worked the phone and called the warranty company and Delta Faucets. Delta (excellent company, highly recommend them) is sending out a replacement, newer version of my faucet and the warranty company will pay the plumber to install it. All I'm out is my deductible, which the plumber so charmingly procured earlier. Now I need to wait until the new faucet arrives to finish the process.
For the record, in all my dealings with the representatives of the several companies, I was KIND. I wasn't sweet or anything, but I was kind. Although, I did feel as if I had just finished a marathon. And God laughed and nodded.
So this morning... ha ha ha
I turn on the tv and it has red shadows over everything. Woo-hoo! (That was sarcasm.) I'll spare you the details on this one, but long story short, the repairman is coming this evening to fix it.
Those have been the challenges. Let me tell you about the blessings of the past few days - the sheer, no silver-lining-searching blessings.
This morning my second son had a Muffins with Moms at his preschool. The kids had written books about their moms and shared them. My son likes it when I bake cakes, when we play puzzles, and he thinks I'm pretty when I come pick him up. *grin* Then I picked up my daughter who was at a friend's house. She had a good time there, no crying, no fussing. *grin* We left there to go to my oldest son's school to have lunch with him. He was thrilled to see us. His face could barely contain his smile. *grin* After lunch, little girl and I headed home. She was tired and worn out. She wanted to go to sleep, but would not stay in her bed without... having her teeth brushed. *grin*
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Kindness - Day 2a - God is GOOD
Big questions today. My search to learn how God defines "kindness" led me to learn more about the fruit of the Spirit. This is what I've learned.
This is what the Life Application Bible (NIV) says about the fruit of the Spirit:
This Scripture seems to be following me around lately. Clearly God wants me to pay attention. This is not going to be easy, is it?
So, remember the friend issue I told mentioned? Amen to being able to discuss it with kind words and from my heart. I didn't yell. I didn't cry. We'll see how things settle, but I'm pleased and I'm thankful. "Kindness" is the word of the week.
This is what the Life Application Bible (NIV) says about the fruit of the Spirit:
Commentary on Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is the spontaneous work of the Holy Spirit in us. The Spirit produces these character traits that are found in the nature of Christ. They are the by-products of Christ's control - we can't obtain them by trying to get them without his help. If we want the fruit of the Spirit to grow in us we must join our lives to his (see John 15:4-5). We must know him, love him, remember him, and imitate him. As a result, we will fulfill the intended purpose of the law - to love God and our neighbors. Which of these qualities do you want the Spirit to produce in you?
So basically I can't make myself be kind by sheer force. I have to let the Spirit guide me to be kind. That's hard. HARD. What about when I want to scream and yell and be downright unpleasant? I'm supposed to push those desires aside and let the Spirit guide me to kindness.
John 15:4-5 -Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
So basically I can't make myself be kind by sheer force. I have to let the Spirit guide me to be kind. That's hard. HARD. What about when I want to scream and yell and be downright unpleasant? I'm supposed to push those desires aside and let the Spirit guide me to kindness.
John 15:4-5 -Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
This Scripture seems to be following me around lately. Clearly God wants me to pay attention. This is not going to be easy, is it?
So, remember the friend issue I told mentioned? Amen to being able to discuss it with kind words and from my heart. I didn't yell. I didn't cry. We'll see how things settle, but I'm pleased and I'm thankful. "Kindness" is the word of the week.
Kindness - Day 2 - A tough question
Last night my brain would not settle and go to sleep. The question that kept rattling around in my head was where is the line between kindness and sacrifice? Is there a line? Does God recognize a line between kindness and sacrifice? Where is the line between being kind and giving so much you can't function anymore?
This thought occurs to me sometimes, anyway. I read a Holocaust survivor's story years ago that has haunted me. There's no way to share with you the full grasp of what I wonder without sharing the story. It's graphic and gory and horrid, so if you want to spare yourself the haunting, SKIP the rest of this post I'm serious. Stop now. Okay. Fair warning.
This survivor gave an account of traveling through the sewer system with everyone from their apartment building to escape the Nazis. The Nazi's were overhead. The Jews had to crawl through the sewer system in the hopes of making it through to the other side where they would find transportation to a safer place. Imagine it. Dozens of families crawling through a tunnel. As they were silently moving through the tunnel, one of the babies started to cry. The mother and father had a heartbreaking choice. If the baby continued to cry, the Nazis would hear and all of them would be killed. They made the excruciating choice to drown their child in the sewer water rather than expose their location. I honestly don't remember the end of the story. I was so stricken by the death of the child and how that one choice must have replayed in those parents' minds forever that I zoned out on the rest of the story.
My point in telling you the story is this question: Where is the line between kindness and sacrifice? The parents sacrificed their child for the safety of their other children, themselves, their friends, family, and neighbors. They didn't necessarily do it out of kindness, but out of desperation for survival. Every now and then the story comes to mind as I'm watching my children play or holding nursing baby or tucking in a sleepy child. The story has haunted me for years.
What I extrapolate from this story is that in my Southern culture or my own psyche (I don't know which), I have this desire to be kind to the point of pain. I bend and I bend and I bend in the name of kindness. I bend to the point of sacrificing my family's sanctuary, to the point of giving away what we need. Is that more than kindness and does that move into an area God does not expect?
Sometimes I wonder what I would do. Sometimes I wonder, if I were in a war situation or if I were on a deserted island, like in "Lost," there with my three children, would it be better for me to stay back and care for them or pick up my weapon and head off with the warriors? I have a fierce warrior side to my personality. I know myself well enough to know I take duty very seriously. But I'm a mother. I have three children. I can't go running off into the wilderness to fight. Who will take care of them if something happens to me? Who will care for them if I'm gone for awhile? I have a duty to them.
How is running off to fight different from protecting my family from my over-generosity and need to please? Don't I have a responsibility to be as mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy for my family as possible? Don't I have a responsibility to to protect them and care for them at all costs? (I'm not talking about having the latest and the greatest, but rather having a safe place to live and basic necessities.) Don't I have a responsibility to be... present and in the healthiest shape possible?
The likelihood of my being in a tunnel and being forced to choose to sacrifice the one for the many is slim at best. But every day I am faced with many small choices that can lead to larger issues. If I am allowing myself to be treated poorly in the name of kindness - is that really kindness? - and it's wearing me down and exhausting me, is that what God wants of me?
What I need to find out in this journey is what God calls kindness and what God expects of me.
This thought occurs to me sometimes, anyway. I read a Holocaust survivor's story years ago that has haunted me. There's no way to share with you the full grasp of what I wonder without sharing the story. It's graphic and gory and horrid, so if you want to spare yourself the haunting, SKIP the rest of this post I'm serious. Stop now. Okay. Fair warning.
This survivor gave an account of traveling through the sewer system with everyone from their apartment building to escape the Nazis. The Nazi's were overhead. The Jews had to crawl through the sewer system in the hopes of making it through to the other side where they would find transportation to a safer place. Imagine it. Dozens of families crawling through a tunnel. As they were silently moving through the tunnel, one of the babies started to cry. The mother and father had a heartbreaking choice. If the baby continued to cry, the Nazis would hear and all of them would be killed. They made the excruciating choice to drown their child in the sewer water rather than expose their location. I honestly don't remember the end of the story. I was so stricken by the death of the child and how that one choice must have replayed in those parents' minds forever that I zoned out on the rest of the story.
My point in telling you the story is this question: Where is the line between kindness and sacrifice? The parents sacrificed their child for the safety of their other children, themselves, their friends, family, and neighbors. They didn't necessarily do it out of kindness, but out of desperation for survival. Every now and then the story comes to mind as I'm watching my children play or holding nursing baby or tucking in a sleepy child. The story has haunted me for years.
What I extrapolate from this story is that in my Southern culture or my own psyche (I don't know which), I have this desire to be kind to the point of pain. I bend and I bend and I bend in the name of kindness. I bend to the point of sacrificing my family's sanctuary, to the point of giving away what we need. Is that more than kindness and does that move into an area God does not expect?
Sometimes I wonder what I would do. Sometimes I wonder, if I were in a war situation or if I were on a deserted island, like in "Lost," there with my three children, would it be better for me to stay back and care for them or pick up my weapon and head off with the warriors? I have a fierce warrior side to my personality. I know myself well enough to know I take duty very seriously. But I'm a mother. I have three children. I can't go running off into the wilderness to fight. Who will take care of them if something happens to me? Who will care for them if I'm gone for awhile? I have a duty to them.
How is running off to fight different from protecting my family from my over-generosity and need to please? Don't I have a responsibility to be as mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy for my family as possible? Don't I have a responsibility to to protect them and care for them at all costs? (I'm not talking about having the latest and the greatest, but rather having a safe place to live and basic necessities.) Don't I have a responsibility to be... present and in the healthiest shape possible?
The likelihood of my being in a tunnel and being forced to choose to sacrifice the one for the many is slim at best. But every day I am faced with many small choices that can lead to larger issues. If I am allowing myself to be treated poorly in the name of kindness - is that really kindness? - and it's wearing me down and exhausting me, is that what God wants of me?
What I need to find out in this journey is what God calls kindness and what God expects of me.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Kindness - Day 1a
Speaking of kindness... How is it that I'm focusing on "kindness" and am worried about a friendship, but when my dear, sweet, hard-working husband asks me to come to bed and please rub his shoulders (NOT a euphemism), I stay online? Hmmm.
Methinks I have much to learn about this kindness business.
Does kindess to myself count? Does saying this is the first few minutes I've had in 9 hours to be left the freak alone mean anything?
Off to bed with me. The man's sound asleep at this point.
Methinks I have much to learn about this kindness business.
Does kindess to myself count? Does saying this is the first few minutes I've had in 9 hours to be left the freak alone mean anything?
Off to bed with me. The man's sound asleep at this point.
Kindness - Day 1
Wouldn't you know that the moment I commit to God that I will focus on His definition of kindness, I blow a gasket in dealing with a longtime friend? *sigh* This friend has been a friend for quite awhile and I'm just about done with how she treats me. This has been going on for just about a year. More on that, maybe, another time. Anyway, the straw that broke the camel's back fell the other day and the deep hurt I'm feeling has finally made me realize that I can't continue like this. Our friendship cannot continue like this.
And silly me. I start my Fruits of the Spirit Challenge today. Poo! God surely has a sense of humor, doesn't He? In researching what God means by "kindness," I learned a few things:
In the King James Version, "kindness" is actually "longsuffering." (Look at the different translations of Galations 5:22 http://bible.cc/galatians/5-22.htm.)
"Longsuffering" is fairly self-explanatory, but I learned a lot about Bible history and the translations of "longsuffering" (http://www.bible-history.com/isbe/L/LONGSUFFERING/). Basically it means slow to anger, slow to respond in anger, taking a long, deep breath before succumbing to anger.
So where does this leave me in my predicament? How do I take what I know of the Lord and how He wants me to behave - with kindness and longsuffering - and apply it? This isn't a silly slight from last week. This is accumulated behavior that has escalated in the last year, but in truth, has been ever-present since the beginning. To be fair, I willingly acquiesced. I enjoy the friendship very much. Or I did.
God tells us that when we have a problem with someone, we should first take it to that person. If that person doesn't change their behavior, then we should take it before the leader. If the person still persists, then it should be taken before the church.
So how does this work now? I've talked to this person before. Things haven't changed. They've gotten worse. We don't have a similar pastor or leader, so I don't quite know how to approach it.
I feel the need now to say that by posting in a blog, I've set myself up for judgment and ridicule. I hope those who read my blog don't feel the need to do that, but can see themselves in my fallible humanness. Fallible. Humanness. Maybe if readers could post loving suggestions as opposed to hate-filled missives?
So. I called my friend. She wasn't there. She called me. I wasn't available. It's too late to pick up the phone tonight. There's always tomorrow.
After all, this is a week of kindness. And something tells me God isn't going to like me abandoning the lessons of kindness next Monday.
And silly me. I start my Fruits of the Spirit Challenge today. Poo! God surely has a sense of humor, doesn't He? In researching what God means by "kindness," I learned a few things:
In the King James Version, "kindness" is actually "longsuffering." (Look at the different translations of Galations 5:22 http://bible.cc/galatians/5-22.htm.)
"Longsuffering" is fairly self-explanatory, but I learned a lot about Bible history and the translations of "longsuffering" (http://www.bible-history.com/isbe/L/LONGSUFFERING/). Basically it means slow to anger, slow to respond in anger, taking a long, deep breath before succumbing to anger.
So where does this leave me in my predicament? How do I take what I know of the Lord and how He wants me to behave - with kindness and longsuffering - and apply it? This isn't a silly slight from last week. This is accumulated behavior that has escalated in the last year, but in truth, has been ever-present since the beginning. To be fair, I willingly acquiesced. I enjoy the friendship very much. Or I did.
God tells us that when we have a problem with someone, we should first take it to that person. If that person doesn't change their behavior, then we should take it before the leader. If the person still persists, then it should be taken before the church.
So how does this work now? I've talked to this person before. Things haven't changed. They've gotten worse. We don't have a similar pastor or leader, so I don't quite know how to approach it.
I feel the need now to say that by posting in a blog, I've set myself up for judgment and ridicule. I hope those who read my blog don't feel the need to do that, but can see themselves in my fallible humanness. Fallible. Humanness. Maybe if readers could post loving suggestions as opposed to hate-filled missives?
So. I called my friend. She wasn't there. She called me. I wasn't available. It's too late to pick up the phone tonight. There's always tomorrow.
After all, this is a week of kindness. And something tells me God isn't going to like me abandoning the lessons of kindness next Monday.
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