Nice, Schmice

This whole "be nice" thing is not as easy as it sounds.

Well, those of you who share my snark problem probably already knew that little nugget.

Last night required stores of self-control to listen, not speak, let Darling talk, not speak, not interrupt, and let Darling take 20 minutes his time getting to his point to explain his thoughts.

It would seem that the request to "be nice" has illuminated my extraordinary lack of patience.

>head desk<

It also occurs to me that the Lord asked me to "be kind," yet I keep saying "be nice."  Hmmm... time to do some navel-gazing on the differences between the two.

Thoughts?

~ G

But I Do Not Want to Be Nice

So it is.  My Lenten task is to "be nice."

Truth be told, when the Lord laid that on my heart last night, it was in relation to Darling.

I need to find a way to be nice.

It is not easy.

Darling works very hard these days.  Oftentimes the kids do not see him for several days at time because he leaves for work so early and returns so late.  He is mentally preoccupied and I have had to repeat the same information several times - only to discover several days later that he has no recollection of our multiple conversations on said topic.

I have started taking it personally.

It makes me feel insignificant.

It makes me feel as if I do not matter to him.

That is not a good place to be.

I have been reading "Power of a Praying Wife" again and that first chapter always slaps me in the face.  The deal is, though, that my frustration with Darling has begun to feed a bitterness in me.

That is bad.  "Bitter" is bad.  I do not want to be bitter.

The goal for the Lenten season is "be nice."  Surely over the next few weeks, the Lord will illuminate "be nice" in multiple ways.

I should be excited about the journey.  I am not.

I should be thankful that the Lord sees a willing heart in me.  I am not.

Sometimes I do not want to be the eager student, eager to learn, eager to research, eager to see Him in everything.  Sometimes I want to just feed the bitterness and act ugly.

Evidently, that is exactly His point... well, I am guessing on that one.

I will let you know if I am spectacularly wrong or humbly correct.

~ G

Lenten Prayer

Every year on Ash Wednesday, I pray and ask God what I should give up for Lent.  Last year He asked me to add something.  This year, I do not know.  I have started praying and asking for insight into where and how I need to focus.

Thus far, I keep hearing "be kind."

Lord, please do not make me be kind.  How can I be snarky if I have to be kind?

Sigh.  I will keep praying and will report back here on the answer.  Today is Fat Tuesday.  Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.  Surely, surely, there will be a better answer tomorrow.

Right?

~ G

Lenten Commitment Review

Remember my Lenten Commitment?  (If not, go here.)  This was the first year God asked me to add something, rather than subtract something.  I'd gotten away from reading my Bible daily and that was what God asked me to embrace again.  So, I did.

An interesting thing happened.  Of course, after I say it, all my God-girls out there will nod and say they knew it all along.  I started craving the Word again.  Every morning I'd read a little before getting on with the day - usually before stepping out of bed.

Over the Lenten season, I read Acts, part of Romans, and some of Luke and Mark.  I'm still in Romans and will continue to read.  Mornings just don't feel right without a few words from the Lord, you know?  I'm not back to needing full-on, Beth Moore, in-depth, chewing on the Word, yet.  That's not where I need to be.  God's made it plain I am where He wants me.  It's a good place to be.

~ G

Jumping Back to the Gospels

The Lenten Commitment is going strong.  What's interesting, though, is leaping from Acts back to the Gospels.  Palm Sunday arrived and I felt the need to read about Palm Sunday.  For the past few days, I've been reading the Gospels and revisiting the details of Palm Sunday and the Last Supper.


Coming to the Gospels after spending time in Acts has shaken me - in a good way.  I was taking Jesus for granted.  I forgot how powerful he was on earth.  I forgot how amazing his teaching was.  Transitioning from reading about how the Holy Spirit worked through the disciples, the struggles of the early church, Paul's travels and then jumping back to the Gospels somehow made the pre-Resurrection Jesus more colorful and ... well, awesome.


I don't usually recommend jumping around in the Bible, as it's very easy to lose context.  As this experience has taught me, though, sometimes comparisons can bring illuminating clarity.  Today I'm floored by what Jesus showed the disciples.  I'm grateful for the teaching that shows it's possible to be revolutionary while following the law.  And I'm humbled by what the next few days of teaching will show us about what Jesus did for us - what he did for me.  And what he did for you.


~ G

70 x 7 and Standing Up

In keeping up with my Lenten Commitment, I had my nose in the Bible again this morning. Odd thing happened, actually, and I'm going to chalk it up to God knowing I needed to read something important.

I'm still reading Acts. This morning's starting verse was Act 16:7. Usually I read a section and spend the day pondering. Acts 16:7-10 really could have served my brain well. It describes how the Spirit of Jesus prevented Paul, Luke, Silas and Timothy from going into Asia and Mysia. Really, doesn't that sound like something to ponder? God leads us and sometimes, if we're paying attention, that means we might be prevented from doing something. Excellent message and something worthy of pondering, yes?

I almost closed my Bible, but felt as if I needed to keep reading (God's leading). So I continued reading and finished Acts 16. The end of Acts 16 describes Paul and Silas's jail experience (when the walls of the prison shook and they were released from their shackles, but didn't leave and taught the jailer about Jesus. The jailer believes and has himself and his family baptized). At the very end, the magistrates who had Paul and Silas beaten and thrown into jail send word to release the disciples.

Paul refuses to go. He states that he and Silas are Roman citizens and should not have received such poor treatment. He declares that the magistrates should come to the prison and escort Paul and Silas out themselves. The magistrates come, much alarmed that they treated Roman citizens so shabbily. They escort Paul and Silas out of the jail and invite them to leave town, which they do.

Wow. I had completely forgotten about Paul standing his ground. He knew they'd been wronged and did not shrink from the confrontation. He used facts. He used reason. He didn't just run out of jail and relish being free. He righted a wrong.

Why does this strike me today? Well, in case you hadn't noticed, my FIL is visiting. (Read about it here, here, here, here, and here.) The part I hadn't mentioned was that he made a quip to my chip-eating, healthy, average-weighted Big Kid about "wasting away to a small house." Nice, huh? I haven't said anything to FIL. I haven't stood up for my child. (The Mama Guilt is palpable.) FIL dotes on Middle One and Little One, but is very critical of Big Kid. I've respected my Darling's wishes for peace and giving his father a "free pass." Darling lives by forgiving people 70 times 7. But when is it inappropriate?

I can take the abuse. I can come here and blast him on my anonymous blog while keeping my peace with FIL. But I'm a grown-up. My child isn't and while he might behave like a little turkey, he's a kid and doesn't deserve to experience shabby emotional treatment from his grandfather. Today's lesson has struck me and shown me that keeping the peace doesn't have to mean lying down and taking it and not pointing out wrongs.

Maybe I should point out here that a girlfriend said the exact same thing to me yesterday. Gee, think God's trying to tell me something? Make no mistake, God talks to us.

I need to think about it and how to apply the lesson. Please pray for me. Please pray for my FIL. And please, please pray for my son. And please throw in a prayer for Darling - this won't be easy for him.

Does This Square?

Did my Bible study this morning. And yes, true to my Lenten Commitment, I've not missed a single morning of delving into the Word. Yea, me!

I'm still reading Acts. Acts 13:51 says Paul and Barnabas "shook the dust off their feet" when they left Paphos because the people rejected their teachings of Jesus. What it made me think about was Jesus' admonishment to forgive. When asked how many times they should forgive someone, Jesus said in Matthew 18:22 to forgive them "seventy times seven."

So we shouldn't hesitate to protect ourselves and leave if we experience rejection, but we should forgive those who reject us? Is that how those two square? I'm going to chew on this all day, I can already feel it. Yea, me? Yes! Better to chew on the words of the Lord than to chew on gossip.

Getting Back In the Word

This morning I rolled out of bed to make coffee for my tired husband. Yes, I am that sweet. Sometimes. Make no mistake - I do not willingly share my chocolate. Even with my man. Usually. I digress. This morning I felt an emptiness and a hunger. For what, you ask? The Bible. Getting back in the Word. Hubby left for work, the kids still slept, so I had time alone with God. Haven't missed a day, thus far, since my Lenten Commitment. Yay, me! And yay, God! Thank you, Lord, for lighting a fire under me to get me back in the Word. Or is it a fire in my heart?

Lenten Commitment

Remember the Lenten commitment I made? Spend a few minutes with God and the Bible every day? Well, every morning I open the Bible and study before the kids emerge from their slumbers. This bleary-eyed studying won't win any academic awards, but it gets me in the Word and gives God one more opportunity to lay tracks in my heart. ("Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not stray from it." Proverbs 22:6 applies to God's grown-up kids, too.)

This morning's reading in Acts struck me. Acts 5:38-39 says "Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." (Read more here.) A Jewish leader said this about trying to stop the spread of the Good News about Jesus, but it applies elsewhere. Basically:

What comes from God cannot be stopped. What doesn't come from God will fail.

It made me think of my friends and the many things happening in their lives. A friend and her husband want to sell their house and buy one that better fits their family's needs. The house they had their eyes on went under contract yesterday. If that house isn't available for them, it isn't their house. God has a plan for them and that house isn't it. Several friends and their husbands have found themselves in rough marital waters. Wedding vows keep coming to mind. "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder." The couples still love each other and are fighting for their marriages. Let them not put it asunder. God honors that. Other friends and their many situations come to mind and in each circumstance, God has a plan.

I'm looking around at the political world today. This day marks the televised "summit" President Obama has called with members of Congress to discuss health care. My personal feelings are that this is a sham of a summit, but... what God wants, God gets. If this thing (the health care bills the Democrats want to push through) I consider to be a monstrosity and morally wrong is of God, it will pass. If it isn't, it will fail.

That brings up another question, though. Is what we perceive to be a success or a failure God's estimation of success or failure? We live in a small moment. God sees the whole of time. What devastates us in this moment has far greater consequences than we can see and may well work for God's good, even though that good might never been seen by our eyes or might come centuries from now. How else can we explain dying babies (www.laylagrace.org) or miscarriages or senseless death or decades-old legislation that allows mothers to kill their unborn babies or newer legislation that could cripple a country? Are we so mired in our small moments we can't appreciate God has a bigger picture?

On the very small scale, and probably rather insignificant to the big picture, my husband and I have waited for months to learn whether a career project will begin. My darling felt inspired and this proposal poured out of him. Was it God inspiring him? This project has the potential to change our lives. I want it to work - badly. Not knowing the answer sometimes drives my brain crazy. Even when it's not actively in my brain, it's on my mind. Why else have I started chewing the inside of my cheek? Nervous tic, anyone?

Sometimes it takes more dedication to faith than I have readily available to remember that "if it is of human origin, it will fail and if it is from God, you will not be able to stop [it]." By the grace of the Holy Spirit, there lies a quiet spot in my heart. When I feel unable to think beyond the moment, I go there. I rest there. I know, deep in my heart, that "if it is of human origin, it will fail; but if it is from God, you will not be able to stop [it]." So when the world swirls around my head, I have to remember that God has it. He will succeed.

God is right. I need this Lenten commitment.

Give It Up Or Add It On?

Welcome to the Lenten season. In the past, Lent meant my giving up something. Each Ash Wednesday, I would pray and ask God to show me where I needed improving, to point out what caused me to stumble. Each year, without fail, the Lord pointed out something that needed to go. I would give it up and it would cleanse my heart and help me focus on the sacrifice He made for me.

This year's Ash Wednesday I prayed. I asked what I should purge. No answer. I prayed again. I asked what I needed to give up. What was leading me astray? No answer.

Now, I'm not the kind of girl who receives a non-answer answer and thinks, "All right! Home free!" Nope. That would not be me. I listen harder. I ask again. (Ask my mother. She'll tell you I don't take silence for an answer. Better yet, ask my husband.) So, I asked again. Still, nothing.

Well, sometimes God speaks through others. He spoke to me through a conversation with a girlfriend. We chatted Ash Wednesday night and she relayed the message of that evening's church service. The pastor had admonished us to pull closer to God. Get back in the Word. Make a commitment to study more. Sigh. And there it was.

This will be the first time in over a dozen years that I haven't given up something. Instead, I'm making a commitment to "add on" by reading the Word daily. I've gotten away from daily study - more on that later. I started in Acts. What better way to see what God can do than by seeing His acts?

I don't normally ask direct questions in posts, but I'm curious. What are you doing for Lent? Are you giving up anything? Are you focusing more on something? What are you doing to draw closer to the Lord? Leave a comment or email me. I'd love to know.