Kindness - Day 3a - Pootyhead

Remember my big question the other day about the line between kindness and sacrifice? Turns out I don't think that's where God wants my energy. He's the ultimate teacher, right? He has the authority to change lesson plans.

At the preschool program today, I wanted to sit by my friend. I like her and I'm comfortable with her and she makes me laugh and feel normal. The other mothers, not so much. But what happened? My dear, sweet son sat me in the middle of the the women who have said no more than a handful of words to me since September. As he led me to the seat, I thought, "Oh, you are funny, God. Kindness means not just what comes out my mouth and shoots off my face in an expression, but what's in my heart."

I DON'T WANNA!

Okay. So I didn't really yell that, though I seriously considered evasive action for a split second. Nope, like the teacher-pleaser I am, I sat my posterior down where my child directed. You know what happened next? And I promise I'm trying to keep the preachy tone down. I thought of Galatians 5:22-23 and the commentary in the Life Application Bible and how it said that I can't will myself to have the fruits, but that I needed to invite the Spirit to produce them in me.

I let go. That's all I did. I let go. I let go of all the thoughts swirling in my head and poof! They seemed to just swirl right out of me. Suddenly I felt relaxed and ... kind.

No. Way.

I don't know if this fits in or not or maybe it does so much I can't see the forest for the trees. I'll let you be the judge. I've had Mama Worries lately about my relationship with my children. Sometimes I wonder/worry if their emotional needs are being met.

Last night, after lying in bed for over an hour and not sleeping, it finally dawned on me to pray. (Duh.) I was physically exhausted, but my brain was just racing. The words of two friends melded and it dawned on my addled brain to pray for God to use me to meet the needs of those around me. Let me be where He wants me to be and use me for His purposes. I fell asleep instantly.

In answer to prayer, this morning our oldest came in our room after his alarm clock woke him. I invited him to snuggle with me while we watched the weather report. He curled up with me, we looked at the weather, and then I hit the "off" button. We snuggled and talked. He nuzzled into me and in those few minutes before the day launched, I knew he felt what every kid should feel in his own home. Amen.

So am I getting answers to my big question about the line between kindness and sacrifice? Kinda. What God's teaching right now is that it's about letting go of the "me" getting in the way and letting Him be kind through me.

Anyone else notice it's only Wednesday and I started this on Monday? Am I gonna be like Gandi by the time this is over? Well, probably not. Gandi wasn't Christian. Mother Teresa? No. She wasn't Protestant. An insufferable pious pootyhead? Oye, vay. ;-)

(side note: the built-in spell check doesn't seem to mind "pootyhead." really? "pootyhead" passes spell check? and here I was thinking I was all clever... think I found the title for the post)

Kindness - Day 1

Wouldn't you know that the moment I commit to God that I will focus on His definition of kindness, I blow a gasket in dealing with a longtime friend? *sigh* This friend has been a friend for quite awhile and I'm just about done with how she treats me. This has been going on for just about a year. More on that, maybe, another time. Anyway, the straw that broke the camel's back fell the other day and the deep hurt I'm feeling has finally made me realize that I can't continue like this. Our friendship cannot continue like this.

And silly me. I start my Fruits of the Spirit Challenge today. Poo! God surely has a sense of humor, doesn't He? In researching what God means by "kindness," I learned a few things:

In the King James Version, "kindness" is actually "longsuffering." (Look at the different translations of Galations 5:22 http://bible.cc/galatians/5-22.htm.)

"Longsuffering" is fairly self-explanatory, but I learned a lot about Bible history and the translations of "longsuffering" (http://www.bible-history.com/isbe/L/LONGSUFFERING/). Basically it means slow to anger, slow to respond in anger, taking a long, deep breath before succumbing to anger.

So where does this leave me in my predicament? How do I take what I know of the Lord and how He wants me to behave - with kindness and longsuffering - and apply it? This isn't a silly slight from last week. This is accumulated behavior that has escalated in the last year, but in truth, has been ever-present since the beginning. To be fair, I willingly acquiesced. I enjoy the friendship very much. Or I did.

God tells us that when we have a problem with someone, we should first take it to that person. If that person doesn't change their behavior, then we should take it before the leader. If the person still persists, then it should be taken before the church.

So how does this work now? I've talked to this person before. Things haven't changed. They've gotten worse. We don't have a similar pastor or leader, so I don't quite know how to approach it.

I feel the need now to say that by posting in a blog, I've set myself up for judgment and ridicule. I hope those who read my blog don't feel the need to do that, but can see themselves in my fallible humanness. Fallible. Humanness. Maybe if readers could post loving suggestions as opposed to hate-filled missives?

So. I called my friend. She wasn't there. She called me. I wasn't available. It's too late to pick up the phone tonight. There's always tomorrow.

After all, this is a week of kindness. And something tells me God isn't going to like me abandoning the lessons of kindness next Monday.

The Fruit of the Spirit Challenge

Awhile back, a good girlfriend told me about her Fruit of the Spirit journey. Basically she used Galatians 5:22 and each week focused on a different fruit. Just a little refresher:

Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galations%205:22-23;&version=31

So, for the past few weeks I've thought about the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The one that I kept thinking about the most was kindness.

I asked a God-girl of mine to join me in choosing one a week and focusing on it. We could keep each other accountable and share what we're learning and discuss how God's working in our lives. Yeah. Since that conversation, getting her on the phone has been tricky. Seems God wants me to forge ahead with or without an accountability buddy.

Maybe writing a blog is actually worse? Maybe putting this out online for any and all to see is more accountability than I ever imagined?

As I said, "kindness" has been on my mind, full force. Today is May 11 and this week I focus on kindness. Let's see what happens.