Joy - I'm Failing

This week is the "joy" week of the Fruit of the Spirit Challenge (Galatians 5:22-23). I'm failing at it. I've laughed this week, but haven't experienced "joy." I've been happy this week. Satisfied. Contented. But joy? No.

This revelation led me to examine the meaning of the word "joy." Even reading the definitions, both verb and noun, hasn't helped me feel better about my progress this week. I'm satisfied, but my heart isn't full of glee and I'm not delighted and I'm not experiencing a state of felicity. What a bummer.

What am I doing wrong? Am I not lighthearted enough? Do I take things too seriously? Is it okay to simply be content and satisfied and pleased? Is joy something I must experience daily? What level of joy?

The concordance in my Bible wasn't particularly helpful. I wanted a chart or something. The best explanation is Paul saying in Philippians 4:4-5 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all."

Well, good grief. I can't sustain joy all the time. I just can't. I know God loves me. I'm practicing gentleness - or at least I attempt it. I'm a mom. How can I not be gentle? But do I have to be in a state of cartwheels and rainbows all the time?

This requires more thought. More later.

By the way, thought I'd let it be known "Jon and Kate Plus 8" has been removed from my DVR series recordings. I can't do it anymore. The season 5 premiere hurt my heart too much. Their train will have to wreck or right itself without my visual attention. Shame on all involved for keeping the cameras rolling. And I'm most bent out of shape about everyone attacking Kate. She's only half of Jon and Kate. What about blasting Jon, too? Better yet, back off and leave them both alone. And Jon and Kate? Please finish your contract and close your doors and be a family. Please. Still praying for you. Much love, Jen

Homemade Laundry Detergent

Homemade laundry detergent? Yep. It's possible.
Let your frugal heart go wild.

Recipe:
1 bar of soap
1 C washing soda
1/2 C Borax
HOT water (4 C + 4 gallons)

large bucket with a lid (I use a clean Tidy Cat kitty litter bucket)

Tips:

• Bar soap - Use any you like, but facial bars that don't have glycerin won't give you as good a product. You need the glycerin. The batch in the pics is made with Dial.
• Washing Soda - is not baking soda. Washing soda is sodium carbonate. Baking soda is sodium bicarbonate. They are not the same thing.
• Both washing soda and Borax can be found in the laundry aisle. I spent $7, including a 3-pack of soap, soda, and Borax. I have made six batches so far and still have enough soda and Borax for another two batches. That's over a year's worth of laundry detergent for $7.
  

Instructions:

1. Using a paring knife or a vegetable peeler, shave soap.
2. Add 4 gallons of very hot water to the bucket. Close the lid to keep the heat while you work on the soap.
3. Bring 4 cups of water to a simmer in a 2 qt sauce pan, stir constantly to dissolve soap.
4. When the soap is completely dissolved, add it to the hot water in the bucket. Stir for about 2 minutes, until it's completely mixed.
   
5. Then, add 1 C washing soda and 1/2 C Borax to the soapy water.
6. Stir for 4 minutes. You want everything well mixed.
7. Cover. Set aside for 24 hours.
8. When you open the lid the next day, it will either be the consistency of egg drop soup or like a watery jello. (Sorry for the food examples, but now you know what's "normal!")
9. To use: Scoop out 1 C for a large load of laundry. (Tip: Put the detergent in the washing machine before you add your laundry, especially if your detergent is more "jello-like" in consistency.)

These are the ingredients you'll need:
Borax, washing soda, shaved soap.

Dissolve the shaved soap in a saucepan.

The mixture will be cloudy and murky. Stir deeply and thoroughly.

My Tidy Cat bucket filled with new detergent,
nestled between the washer and dryer,
waiting to be used.

The consistency of this batch is thick, like jello.
No matter. It still works.
This batch cost less than $1 to make.
For our family of five, this batch will last ~3 months.


Try it out and let me know how it works for you!

Love - the Rest of the Week

It occurs to me that I left the last blog with the statement that I have sacrificed. It sounds so much more noble and heroic than it is. Long story short, I've had several miscarriages. While I desperately wanted those babies, they weren't ours to have. While I make daily or weekly or lifestyle sacrifices, the most painful experience I've had was losing babies. I don't get my hair cut often because it's expensive. I don't buy many clothes for myself because I find other ways to spend the money. Those are sacrifices that I make for my family. Does God call me to make them? I don't know. I do know that when I keep a little bit more in the family coffers, it means we can have another pizza night or I can buy quality shoes for the kids. To me, that's a no-brainer.

So this week has been about love. It's strange. The expectation of flowers and hearts and rainbows did follow me around. Instead of seeing the commercial expression of love or feeling this burgeoning sense of emotion for my family, this week was about... you guessed it, sacrifice.

This week I saved the family three months worth of buying commercial detergent and made it at home. (I'll post about that later.) Our younger son asked for a pinata. So, yesterday I bought the supplies and today we began the process of making one. (I'll post about that, too.) My husband wanted a "home-date" (we have a date at home while the kids are occupied), so I picked up Indian food and we had a lovely time eating and visiting. It all sounds very mundane, but what this week was about for me was getting offline and spending time with my family.

The unnamed goal became putting them first and showing them through my actions that I loved them. Huh. Until I wrote that, I didn't realize fully what I'd been doing. I love my family. They don't require the commercial expressions of love, but the act of it. Thanks for the lesson, God.

This week also proved challenging. We had a new roof installed. The plumber came back out to flush the line for the kitchen faucet. I felt as if all week I had strangers in my house and couldn't catch a rhythm.

This week also brought a milestone. Our second son finished preschool. What a new mom emotion! He performed songs with his class on stage and the sight made my eyes leak. Seriously, someone should stand at the entrance and hand out tissues! I watched him and thought he had an entire year of school that had nothing to do with me. I was so proud. He's doing so well. He loved it. His teachers loved him. He made a really good friend. (And bonus: I really like his friends' mom!)

But there I was, watching my boy. He's growing up. My little girl was sitting next to me, mimicking the movements of the kids onstage. I sat there and realized that I am the memory keeper. The night before, my daughter asked me to read her board books. This is a first. She's never been willing to sit still before. She sat in my lap and we read and read. After she was down for the night, I pulled the boys' favorite board books out and we read them. These were the books they knew by heart. These were the books I caught them "reading" out loud. They didn't remember any of them. How could they not remember? It was only a few years ago. I remember it like yesterday, maybe better than yesterday.

So while this week was about my expressions of love, it was also a week that took my breath away. I don't quite have words for it, yet. I need a mom who's been down this road to show me the way or give me the words, I think. I am the mom. I am the memory keeper. I am the one who has seen it and been there. And in two weeks, my first grader will be out of school and another year will have gone by. For all my "being there," my sons are now in a realm where I can't follow. They are in school. They are developing lives separate from mine. While I used to begrudge the school the time it took away from me having my child with me, now I like it. I like that my kids are slowly learning independence. Anyway, I digress. That's a whole other post. Another day.

Tomorrow... the week of joy begins.

Love - Days 2 and 3 - Sacrifice

Remember the question from the beginning of the Challenge?

"Where does God draw the line between kindness and sacrifice?"

Last week seemed to focus on practicing kindness while this week of love has sacrifice woven into it. The Scripture that continues to roll around in my head isn't "love your neighbor as yourself" (Lev. 19:18), but rather "Take your son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about" (Gen. 22:2).

I realize that at first glance, this sounds as if I'm feeling morbid or angry or persecuted. I'm not. What I am recognizing is that while we, as humans, recognize sacrifice as something terrible and painful, the act means something completely different to God. God wants us to be so willing to serve Him that we are willing to sacrifice what we most love.

Of course, we know the end of the Isaac sacrifice story. An angel appeared to Abraham on the mountain as Isaac was prepared to be sacrificed. The angel ordered him to stop and showed him the ram in the thicket. The ram was sacrificed instead of Isaac. God blessed Abraham and made him the father of many nations. Because Abraham was willing to go to any lengths to serve the Lord, the Lord gave him back what he loved and blessed him.

What does this mean for me in my small life? The only thing God holds dear is my love for Him. When I put God first, He will bless me.

I didn't realize it until I started typing this morning, but God has given me several lessons in sacrifice.

The baby just woke up and I need to attend her. I'll post more later.

Love - Day 1

This week focuses on "love." In all honesty, it floated around my mind yesterday, but focusing didn't happen. The plan is to get out my Bible and do some studying. I may also spend some time on Bible Gateway, reading Scripture online. Their concordance is so easy to use!

Yesterday was a day filled with ... well, maybe I did focus on love. I spent the day researching anniversary trip locations. My husband and I celebrate ten years this summer. I love that man. Where can we go where we can completely relax and not have any responsibilities? We want to eat, drink, sleep, and enjoy each other. Finding the right place at the right price takes time.

Something's been on my mind. I'm going to say something here that may be controversial and eventually get me in trouble. And I'm going to say first that I firmly believe that no one ever really knows the true state of someone's marriage. Only the couple truly know their dynamic. Okay, disclaimer stated, I want to talk about "Jon and Kate Plus 8." I loved the show until they bought the big house. I was hoping they would have a show from the house and say, "Thank you very much for blessing our family with your interest and attention and prayers. The kids are getting older and we need to honor their privacy and not do a series anymore. We'll do annual 2-hour updates, so you can see how we're doing, but we need to focus on our family now. Thank you so much for caring about us." Period. The end. Sigh. But they didn't.

I saw the season 4? 5? finale where Jon said he wasn't sure he wanted to continue with the show because it's too hard to not be "Jon" but to be "Jon and Kate Plus 8" everywhere he goes. Kate didn't seem receptive to that idea. Now, this is where I get in trouble, maybe. I firmly believe that you need to let your man be a man. I'm not talking about giving him leave to be out at all hours or to go carousing with the ladies. I mean that when your man says something honestly, from his heart, about how he wants your life together to be, you listen. You honor that. Jon used to work full time and Kate was home full time. Now Kate travels everywhere doing interviews and book signings. Jon is home with the kids. He's not thriving. Let him be a man. Give him leave to go out and get a job, to support the family. Give up the fancy travel and perks of having a show and be a family again. God gave men and women different roles. God imbued men with the desire and need to protect and support their families. When your man says he's not happy with the way things are, listen. Again, I could be completely wrong in my assessment of what I'm seeing. All I see is their body language and what I know from watching the show. Heaven help my marriage if we had cameras on us!

So, speaking of letting your man be a man and honoring him, last night mine asked me to stop researching anniversary trips and lay it down for a few days. He said it was driving me nuts (true) and we need time to talk and think (true) and then we can better isolate what we want (good point).

Huh. Maybe God has started the love lessons already this week. You know God - He's the perfect teacher.

Kindness - Days 6 and 7 - Not Simple

The truth is I was not nice on Sunday. I was not kind. I was grumpy and tetchy and everything got on my nerves. I was annoyed. Hmm, notice all the "I" statements? Yeah. It was all about me.

Typically, when it's all about you, it's not a good thing - for you or anyone else. I had cabin fever and wanted to get out of the house. It wasn't just a desire to get out of the house, but to go with my husband and family. The kids would have gone anywhere, but my husband had studying to do.

And the tv is blinking out again. The on/off button has developed inconsistent patterns. We've opted to not spend another dime on it, but to tolerate it's bad behavior and then freecycle it with full disclosure.

This post verifies that while there were many opportunities for me to practice kindness this past weekend, I didn't. In the process, I was grouchy and grumpy and no one had a good time. I willfully did not let the Spirit produce kindness in me. Giving myself to God in all situations is not simple.

Hopefully next weekend I'll do better with "love."

Kindness - Day 5 - Almost-Instant Gratification

So what happened after the excitement of yesterday?

I say it all stopped, but that doesn't mean sunshine and bunnies started shooting out of my eyes. I still felt drained and utterly exhausted. My DH (dear husband) wanted to talk to me about his career and some adjustments we might need to make. At 10:30 PM. It took a great deal of self-control to not bicker and snip at him. He needed to talk, but I was fried and didn't want to pay attention. Nor did I want to care. But I do care. Very much. So I listened and we talked and as it always does, it rolled around in my head and kept me awake. Note that I practiced kindness here in a couple of ways. I listened and participated when he needed me AND I didn't punch him in the shoulder later when he was sleeping soundly and I was wound up thinking about what he shared. That was also self-control, but that's another week.

Then our little girl woke up crying at 2:10 AM. She didn't settle herself, so I got her out of bed for a cuddle. She's so funny when she's tired in the middle of the night.

"Do you want a drink?"
"Yeah" ( in a wee little girl voice)
"Okay, here's a sippy of milk for you."

She reaches up, takes it, then just holds it to her chest for a minute. No drinking. She just holds it. A minute later, she was back in bed, the sippy back in the fridge. She's out like a light and I'm wide awake, rethinking everything DH said, completely misinterpreting it because it's 2:45 in the morning. I can't watch TV because it's still broken. No book to read. No magazine to thumb through. Check email. Force myself back to bed to toss and turn again until 4:20. Such a bummer when that happens! I've always envied those who could decide to sleep and just close their eyes and conk out. Me? It takes the convergence of many forces to knock me out.

When the alarm clock bellowed this morning, my fog didn't lift much. Fatigue can do that to you. I wasn't despondent at all... just out of it.

And then the fog lifted. DH reiterated his points again. By the light of day, it made much more sense. Wish I could convince him to refrain from big conversations until morning when I can focus. Then, later, he called to confirm that he would have extra income this summer and to look for anniversary trip options. (AMEN) The repairman came and finished fixing the TV, which didn't need another expensive part after all, and the cost came it at the original, lower price. (AMEN)

What have I learned thus far? God has reminded me that He's the ultimate teacher and while I may have been trying to teach myself by seeking out the big answers to the big questions, He already had a plan for my week. This week hasn't focused on Bible study, but rather God directions. Granted, it's only Friday and Day 5 of the Kindness week. Weeks have 7 days. Two days of kindness left.

Thus far, I'm thankful for the lessons. I haven't flipped out on anyone. Yet. I'm seeing how many ways we can be kind everyday, from how we treat our loved ones, to the professionals who come to our home, to how we respond to the changes of the day.

I'm also very thankful God gave me some almost-instant gratification today by resolving a few issues. One of them is utterly selfish (anniversary trip), and I appreciate it very much. I had convinced myself it was a selfish expense and unnecessary and God was telling us that we needed to stay home. Seems the money is still there. (Thank you!) An anniversary trip isn't a done deal until we're there, but at least it's still on the table. And I'm okay with that.