How Do We Love One Another?

Lately, I have wondered about how we love one another as Christ loved us.  How do we love one another even when we have deep, fundamental disagreements?  An Upper Room devotional talks about loving one another.  Impeccable timing, Lord.  The author discusses loving each other with the love of Christ.  We are to love others, even those who persecute us.  Our love of Christ ought to inspire us to love one another with the love Christ has offered us.  It sounds simple enough as a statement, yet proves challenging as a practice.

What I've been wondering, exactly, is how we love one another without assuming the position of  "forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do."  While I have studied Luke 23 and understand ways to apply the knowledge to my life, in some circumstances it feels inappropriate and possibly condescending.  How do we love those with whom we vehemently disagree without condescending to them in our love?  Do I love those with whom I disagree or do I love them in a "bless their little hearts" kind of way?

I don't wonder about this in my daily life.  My friends are a fair mix of political persuasions, yet I do not struggle to love them in spite of their convictions.  Now, obviously I'm a Conservative.  Seriously, you don't call yourself "The Right Girl" if you're a liberal wing-nut.  I have several very good friends who are liberal.  In fact, a couple of them consider themselves to be "bleeding heart liberals" and joke they have never met a cause they couldn't cry over or protest.  I love these friends and my life wouldn't be as rich without them, even though I think their politics are borderline bat-shit-crazy questionable.  And, I'm sure they feel likewise.  Despite our differences, we are lovely to one another and get along fabulously.  Loving them and other people in my in-person, daily life is not what challenges me.

What challenges me is loving from afar.  I am finding that in our current political climate, the rage and insanity out there has multiplied.  Yes, there was frothing at the mouth during the Bush Administration, but the Obama  Administration has only served to ramp up the rabid behavior.  Maybe it's all the hyperbole in calling everyone who disagrees a racist?  Maybe it's the lack of decorum when addressing the issue of candidate's children?  Maybe the decades-old tactic of calling one's opponent has reached maximum pressure?  Maybe we've left all reason behind as a culture and the web has only served to exacerbate the insanity?

Whatever it is, I struggle to extend the love of Christ.  I recognize this post begs the question "what is the 'love' of Christ," but today I don't feel like dancing around that question.  I don't know if my frustration can be alleviated by a discussion of the meaning of Christ-like love.  In my current frustration, it would feel like discussing what "is" is and I don't have the patience for that nonsense.

What say you?  How do you address this issue of loving others with whom you have no personal contact?  What mantra loops in your brain and prevents you from riding off on your high horse on the high ground?

~ G

Love - the Rest of the Week

It occurs to me that I left the last blog with the statement that I have sacrificed. It sounds so much more noble and heroic than it is. Long story short, I've had several miscarriages. While I desperately wanted those babies, they weren't ours to have. While I make daily or weekly or lifestyle sacrifices, the most painful experience I've had was losing babies. I don't get my hair cut often because it's expensive. I don't buy many clothes for myself because I find other ways to spend the money. Those are sacrifices that I make for my family. Does God call me to make them? I don't know. I do know that when I keep a little bit more in the family coffers, it means we can have another pizza night or I can buy quality shoes for the kids. To me, that's a no-brainer.

So this week has been about love. It's strange. The expectation of flowers and hearts and rainbows did follow me around. Instead of seeing the commercial expression of love or feeling this burgeoning sense of emotion for my family, this week was about... you guessed it, sacrifice.

This week I saved the family three months worth of buying commercial detergent and made it at home. (I'll post about that later.) Our younger son asked for a pinata. So, yesterday I bought the supplies and today we began the process of making one. (I'll post about that, too.) My husband wanted a "home-date" (we have a date at home while the kids are occupied), so I picked up Indian food and we had a lovely time eating and visiting. It all sounds very mundane, but what this week was about for me was getting offline and spending time with my family.

The unnamed goal became putting them first and showing them through my actions that I loved them. Huh. Until I wrote that, I didn't realize fully what I'd been doing. I love my family. They don't require the commercial expressions of love, but the act of it. Thanks for the lesson, God.

This week also proved challenging. We had a new roof installed. The plumber came back out to flush the line for the kitchen faucet. I felt as if all week I had strangers in my house and couldn't catch a rhythm.

This week also brought a milestone. Our second son finished preschool. What a new mom emotion! He performed songs with his class on stage and the sight made my eyes leak. Seriously, someone should stand at the entrance and hand out tissues! I watched him and thought he had an entire year of school that had nothing to do with me. I was so proud. He's doing so well. He loved it. His teachers loved him. He made a really good friend. (And bonus: I really like his friends' mom!)

But there I was, watching my boy. He's growing up. My little girl was sitting next to me, mimicking the movements of the kids onstage. I sat there and realized that I am the memory keeper. The night before, my daughter asked me to read her board books. This is a first. She's never been willing to sit still before. She sat in my lap and we read and read. After she was down for the night, I pulled the boys' favorite board books out and we read them. These were the books they knew by heart. These were the books I caught them "reading" out loud. They didn't remember any of them. How could they not remember? It was only a few years ago. I remember it like yesterday, maybe better than yesterday.

So while this week was about my expressions of love, it was also a week that took my breath away. I don't quite have words for it, yet. I need a mom who's been down this road to show me the way or give me the words, I think. I am the mom. I am the memory keeper. I am the one who has seen it and been there. And in two weeks, my first grader will be out of school and another year will have gone by. For all my "being there," my sons are now in a realm where I can't follow. They are in school. They are developing lives separate from mine. While I used to begrudge the school the time it took away from me having my child with me, now I like it. I like that my kids are slowly learning independence. Anyway, I digress. That's a whole other post. Another day.

Tomorrow... the week of joy begins.

Love - Day 1

This week focuses on "love." In all honesty, it floated around my mind yesterday, but focusing didn't happen. The plan is to get out my Bible and do some studying. I may also spend some time on Bible Gateway, reading Scripture online. Their concordance is so easy to use!

Yesterday was a day filled with ... well, maybe I did focus on love. I spent the day researching anniversary trip locations. My husband and I celebrate ten years this summer. I love that man. Where can we go where we can completely relax and not have any responsibilities? We want to eat, drink, sleep, and enjoy each other. Finding the right place at the right price takes time.

Something's been on my mind. I'm going to say something here that may be controversial and eventually get me in trouble. And I'm going to say first that I firmly believe that no one ever really knows the true state of someone's marriage. Only the couple truly know their dynamic. Okay, disclaimer stated, I want to talk about "Jon and Kate Plus 8." I loved the show until they bought the big house. I was hoping they would have a show from the house and say, "Thank you very much for blessing our family with your interest and attention and prayers. The kids are getting older and we need to honor their privacy and not do a series anymore. We'll do annual 2-hour updates, so you can see how we're doing, but we need to focus on our family now. Thank you so much for caring about us." Period. The end. Sigh. But they didn't.

I saw the season 4? 5? finale where Jon said he wasn't sure he wanted to continue with the show because it's too hard to not be "Jon" but to be "Jon and Kate Plus 8" everywhere he goes. Kate didn't seem receptive to that idea. Now, this is where I get in trouble, maybe. I firmly believe that you need to let your man be a man. I'm not talking about giving him leave to be out at all hours or to go carousing with the ladies. I mean that when your man says something honestly, from his heart, about how he wants your life together to be, you listen. You honor that. Jon used to work full time and Kate was home full time. Now Kate travels everywhere doing interviews and book signings. Jon is home with the kids. He's not thriving. Let him be a man. Give him leave to go out and get a job, to support the family. Give up the fancy travel and perks of having a show and be a family again. God gave men and women different roles. God imbued men with the desire and need to protect and support their families. When your man says he's not happy with the way things are, listen. Again, I could be completely wrong in my assessment of what I'm seeing. All I see is their body language and what I know from watching the show. Heaven help my marriage if we had cameras on us!

So, speaking of letting your man be a man and honoring him, last night mine asked me to stop researching anniversary trips and lay it down for a few days. He said it was driving me nuts (true) and we need time to talk and think (true) and then we can better isolate what we want (good point).

Huh. Maybe God has started the love lessons already this week. You know God - He's the perfect teacher.

Kindness - Days 6 and 7 - Not Simple

The truth is I was not nice on Sunday. I was not kind. I was grumpy and tetchy and everything got on my nerves. I was annoyed. Hmm, notice all the "I" statements? Yeah. It was all about me.

Typically, when it's all about you, it's not a good thing - for you or anyone else. I had cabin fever and wanted to get out of the house. It wasn't just a desire to get out of the house, but to go with my husband and family. The kids would have gone anywhere, but my husband had studying to do.

And the tv is blinking out again. The on/off button has developed inconsistent patterns. We've opted to not spend another dime on it, but to tolerate it's bad behavior and then freecycle it with full disclosure.

This post verifies that while there were many opportunities for me to practice kindness this past weekend, I didn't. In the process, I was grouchy and grumpy and no one had a good time. I willfully did not let the Spirit produce kindness in me. Giving myself to God in all situations is not simple.

Hopefully next weekend I'll do better with "love."