This Is Why We Have Mommy Wars

I was at a function the other day and sat next to a mother who works full time outside the home.  As we were chatting, she shared this nugget:

"When my kids were younger, I scheduled a camp every single week during the summer for them.  My husband was home, but I couldn't imagine expecting him to do the childcare."

Did you catch that?  The childcare.  

I just stared at her.  She obviously thought she insulted me and proceeded to give me the full palm "stop"  hand gesture and rushed to say, "I completely respect what you do and know you do the most important job, I just couldn't do it."

Now, here's the thing.  She did not insult me.  She stunned me, but did not insult me.

My first gut-emotion when she called being home with the kids "childcare" was sadness.  I feel desperately sad for her and her children.  First, those kids do not get to lay around and rest during the summer.  They go-go-go through the school year and then hit the summer, only to go-go-go some more.  When do they rest?  When do they have a chance to get bored and learn to expand their imaginations?  When do they get to just "be?"  It is hard to "be" when you have a constant schedule.  When do they get to sleep as long as they want?  When do they get to set up a tent in the backyard or stay up all night with a flashlight and a book?  When do they have... summer?

Mostly, I feel sad that this woman honestly does not know the joy of sitting around with her kids and just "being."  Has she ever sat on the couch with the kids and laughed at Spongebob for a couple hours?  That's kinda hard when you're working 60+ hours a week and have the kids in camps all summer.  Does she know the deep satisfaction of a child curling up in her lap and not having to be anywhere but in that moment - for as long as that moment might last?  Has she ever gotten up in the middle of the night with a sick child and been thankful to God that she did not have to be anywhere in the morning, but could nurse her sick one through the night?

As she talked and backpedaled, I added up how much all those camps cost for a couple kids.  They probably spend several thousand dollars by the end of the summer.  Even if I wanted to put my kids in a camp each week, we just do not have the money.

We are a one-income household.  My husband works full time, but I am not bringing in any money.  Being home is not a simple "luxury."  It is a sacrifice.  Our cars are 8 years old.  I do not have a lot of new clothes.  My kids do not have multiple pairs of shoes.  We live on a budget that requires me to cook from scratch for most meals.  

Whether a woman chooses to work outside the home or not is immaterial to me.  How she chooses to view either side of the equation is.  What struck me most was her use of the word "childcare."  When I spoke with my husband about the encounter, he responded with "doesn't she mean child-raising?"

The Mommy Wars do not continue to rage because women have to work, but because some women refuse to see that raising one's own children is not a lesser-than activity.  The mindset that spending time with the kids, getting creative in how to spend that time, is not menial work for the under-educated, but noble work.  Her Freudian Slip gave me a glimpse into her mindset that made me feel sad for her and her kids.  

And she thought she insulted me.

~ G

Sniffles

Little One is sick.  She is not sick enough to lay around, but she is sick enough to warrant a serious hosing at regular intervals. We do not have enough tissues to address the issue.

She is sick enough that if I were working full-time outside the house, I would stay home to care for her.  It is one of those days when I feel thankful to be a SAHM.  I do not want anyone else (that would be Darling) home taking care of her.  I want to do it.

There is a solid chance being a SAHM will end in the next 6 months and I will need to go back into the paycheck-receiving workforce.  The good news I have job prospects.  The bad news I love being a SAHM and would rather stay one.

It is a constant struggle to stop massaging my worries and remember to leave them with God.  Worrying does not add a single hour to life, does it?

Today I feel thankful to be home with my baby.  I feel thankful to have a God who not only offers to take my worries, but expects me to leave the worries with Him.  I am thankful my baby is not sick enough to lay around and is only sick enough to not be anywhere but home.

It is just the sniffles... funny how that makes me thankful to be home.

~ G

So Charming of Me

How charming of me to leave you for several weeks with that odd dream posted.  Nice, nice work there, G.

My laptop died on Saturday, Nov. 13.  I'm here to tell you laptops do not like tea.  They just don't.  Just a friendly PSA from me to you.

The laptop came home from Best Buy (amen for buying the black tie warranty) and I had a deadline.  Then another.

The deadlines are self-imposed.  I'm actually 2 months ahead at this point, but I get paid as completed work is submitted.  I need the money.  The blog is fun and all, but it doesn't pay as much or at all as the other gig.

So, I'm back.  But another deadline looms.  20,000+ words by Monday.  You see the conundrum.  Gotta go write.

I'll be back soon.  Promise.

~ G

This WAHM Stuff

I've been a SAHM for almost ten years.  This summer I took a job that uses my skills from my pre-mom career to work part-time at home.

It has kicked my butt.

It has changed my family dynamic.  It has changed how I managed time.  It has changed my friendships.

I don't care for it, it's been a nuisance, it makes me sad, respectively.

The truth - the hard, ugly, truth is that we need the money.  We have to have the money.

I like the paychecks.  I like that I'm remembering what I did before kids and that I was kinda good at it.  I like that there's an opportunity to make it full time from home.  I like that the money for the full time position would be so much awesomer than what I make now.  Yes, I said awesomer.  It's not a word.  In case you felt the need to confer with a Dictionary.

I'm here to tell you that this WAHM stuff is hard.  It's hard.

There are a few things I have learned, though.

Excuse me.  I have to wake up the kids and get them ready for school.  I'll be back later to tell you what I learned.

Maybe I need to work on my time management...

~ G