Sweet, Sweet Racism

Woke up this morning after having a fabulous date night with Darling (more on that in another post), dropped the Sunday paper out of the plastic sleeve and plucked out the two eh, sections I read first on Sunday morning: the Target ad and Parade Magazine.  I heart the questions on the back of the Parade cover.

Per my usual Sunday ritual, I read Parade with coffee in hand.  The fam was fed and the kids had happily scampered off to play trains.  (No joke, it was like a Norman Rockwell painting around here this morning.)  I sat in my chair and read Parade, finally get to Soledad O'Brien's piece on how racism spurred her to succeed.  Great.  I just love me a good article about someone pontificating about racism.  Crap.

So, I read anyway because I happen to like Soledad O'Brien - but I'm getting mighty tired of hearing people trade their wares using the race card.  And here's why:

Has it ever, possibly, maybe, incidentally occurred to anyone who's carrying a racism chip on their shoulder that possibly, maybe, incidentally, they misinterpreted someone's statement?  Maybe?  Possibly?

O'Brien's story, in a nutshell, is that she and her sister were going to a photo studio to get their portraits made as an anniversary gift for their parents.  The photographer asked, "forgive me if I'm offending you, but are you black?"  Her older, 14 year-old sister squared her shoulders and they stalked off in a huff at the obvious, terrible racist comment of the racist photographer.  "Forgive me if I'm offending you..." As we all know, 14 is an age of rational reason, maturity, and clear-thinking.  Obviously.

Just a question: Is is possible, just maybe, that he was asking because he had a compliment for them?  Is it possible that he had something else to say that might not have been racist?  Is it possible he was asking "forgive me..." because he wasn't thinking they should be ashamed of their heritage, but that it's just rude to ask?  Is it possible he was asking forgiveness because he wanted to say "you have the most beautiful skin/hair/eye color I've ever seen" and he knew a grown man saying those things to young girls might be a little creepy?  They'll never know, will they?  They were so busy carrying their boulder-sized chips on their shoulders, they didn't bother to find out.  They huffed out of the store with self-righteous indignation.  That incident spurred O'Brien to make something of herself and prove that racist man wrong  and show that she was something.

Now, pardon me, but I think we have a problem here.  We're so sure that people are insulting us we don't bother to find out why  - or even what - they really mean.  This applies to many situations.  Let's explore this a little more:

When I was 10 and at the neighborhood swimming pool, I was about to jump in the water when a kid from my class yelled out, "there she blows, a hump like a whale!"  Now, that was nearly 30 years ago, but I can still tell you everything about that day.  I can tell you his name.  I can tell you where he was standing.  I can tell you what his swimsuit looked like.  I can tell you how I felt and I can tell you that for the first time in my life - because of that comment - I began to worry that I was fat.  Forevermore, my ears pricked to any possibly comment, insinuation, fart-in-the-wind-notion that I might be fat.

The truth is, he was also 10 and for all I know, he had just seen the movie "Mody Dick."  He had (still has?) older brothers and it's possible one of them read "Moby Dick" for class the previous school year and he'd heard that line a gagillion times around the house and thought he'd try it on for size when he was at the pool.  It probably had nothing to do with me or my size.  Looking back at pictures, I wasn't fat - not even close.  He was just a dumb 10 year-old kid, wasn't he?  But, I gave him power over me with that comment and I attributed meaning to those words that probably had no grounding in his reality.  I based my self-image on that dumbass comment for decades.  What a colossal waste of my energy.

Want another example?

A few years ago, I was talking with a neighborhood girl about possibly babysitting.  She was very sweet and just breathtakingly beautiful.  We were talking in the front yard one afternoon as she walked home from the school bus stop and I asked where she lived.  She lived 6-7 houses up on the right.  I was thinking that her mom was the children's book author (and fabulous gardener) who lived 6-7 houses up on the right.  So, I asked, "what does your mom look like?"  I was thinking she might be that lovely author with the long hair and the lovely jawline (yes, I notice jawlines because I wish I had one - thanks punk kid at the pool).

The girl got very quiet, suddenly looked withdrawn, and responded, "my mom's white."  Whoa.  Frankly, I hadn't noticed the color of her skin.  I was looking at her hair and her pretty eyes and jawline and thought she looked like the author and was really just trying to place her geographically on our street.  Damage done.  I had offended her.

Somewhere along the way, she willingly placed a chip on her shoulder (like Soledad O'Brien about her heritage and me about my weight) and couldn't just hear the question as someone trying to figure out which mom up the street was hers, but rather that it was an indictment about her heritage.  I was so flummoxed as to why she got quiet and offended that it didn't occur to me to say I was thinking she might be the author's daughter.  She slunk home, probably convinced that she'd been insulted - never having heard that I thought she was beautiful and might be related to the beautiful author.  She heard race.

So I ask you, dear readers, is it possible, just maybe, that comments people hear and take to heart as an indictment of them have nothing to do with the them but are actually questions that might lead to something they want to hear?

Most Americans are kind people.  Most Americans have open minds.  Most Americans don't live to hurt others' feelings.  Most Americans don't even see color.  Yes, some do.  Some are racist.  However, most Americans are not racist.  So how come so many people try to make a buck (or win elections) preying on the notion that racism is alive and well and we have to fight it?  I guess that maybe when it comes to not having a story to tell or needing to explain a bad attitude, it's better to just rely on sweet, sweet racism.  It's politically expedient to attempt to shut down conversation by calling any dissension "race based."  It gets everyone so riled up, no?

Chances are good I'll be vilified merely for deigning to write about race.  In that case, I thank you for proving my point.

~ G

What's Your Mythology?

We all have a mythology.  We all have a story we tell in a certain way that may or may not be completely accurate.  It's usually not by intention that we fudge the details. We just tell the story over and over and eventually the way we tell it becomes "the" story and after awhile it becomes our mythology.

For instance, when I talk about how we potty-trained Middle One I say that he was done in a day.  Well, that's true.  I know that he never had a daytime accident after his Potty Party (remind me to tell you about Potty Parties some day).  I know he never wore a daytime diaper again and it only took one day.  What I don't recall is if we diapered him at nap or bedtime.  My memory says we didn't.  But did we?  Did he really never wear another diaper?  Is it the truth or the mythology?  (Can you tell we're discussing Little One and being done with diapers around here?)

Anyway, I've been thinking about mythologies and the things we believe because that's what we "know" to be true.  And of course, anytime I spend any amount of time considering something, eventually I start thinking about it in political terms.  

We're in a mythology battle in America.  Yes, it's the culture war, but I think simply calling it a "culture war" makes it sound as if the pro-gay marriage folks are against the evangelical Christians who are against the Yankees who make tough biscuits who are against the Southerners who want to fly the rebel flag.  "Culture war" sounds too convoluted and complex to me.  There are too many mental images that come to mind with it and too many people who appear to be at odds who are really on the same side.  O'Reilly has some good points in his book, but the title is misleading.

We're dealing with a mythology problem.  It's basic.  Our American Mythology boils down to a single yes or no question:

Do you believe America is good?

If you answer "yes" then you inherently believe America does good things.  Sure, we're don't always make the best decisions, but on balance we're a good country.  We're a good nation with good intentions with a good history and should get back to the roots that made us "good."

If you answer "no" or had to think about your answer awhile, then you probably believe we are a faulty nation, that we are no better than any other nation, that "American Exceptionalism" is pompous and arrogant.  Chances are you believe America makes too many mistakes and that we should be more like other countries or that our system of government is wrong.

For me, therein lies the problem.  It's mythology.  If you're a "yes" person, then we're seeing the same America.  We believe that on balance, we're a good country and were founded on sound, timeless principles. If you're a "no" person, I'm not sure we can ever see eye-to-eye on where we are as a country, where we've been, or where we're going.

To my mind, the two main political parties lie along those fault lines of  "yes" or "no."  Granted, I'm speaking in generalities and, of course, there will be exceptions to the rule.  I am convinced, however, that the Republicans like America.  They like the Constitution as it was written and attempt to see it in its historical light.  Democrats don't really like America.  They perceive the Constitution as a "living" document to change with the times and that we need to constantly change it to make it work for us.

And that's what's dividing our country.  Sure, we have some cultural differences, but I think our great divide can be boiled down to a simple question: Do you like America?

~ G

Why Point to Canada and England When There's TriCare?

I encourage you to read the story about CSM Hubbard before continuing on with this post.

There are so many things wrong with this story it's hard to know where to begin. The three most glaring ones I see are the protocol for trash disposal should be reformed, we aren't properly equipping our service men and women, and Hubbard's health care was a travesty.

There are multiple mistakes in how Hubbard's care progressed. The author expresses outrage that the DoD isn't forthcoming with their data, but not by the terrible care. The article is on the Huffington Post, which is a liberal organization. The real tragedy in this story is corners were cut in Hubbard's care. Actually, his doctors and nurses didn't just cut corners, they were plainly incompetent or too distracted to make good decisions. Where on earth did he get his care?

CSM Hubbard was treated under TriCare, which is the health care system for our service people. Who runs TriCare? The federal government. Who distributes TriCare's funding? The federal government. Who sets standards and practices and quality control? The federal government. While we're at it, who is in charge of Walter Reed? The federal government.

If you're wondering why the Huffington Post didn't sound as outraged about his care as they did about the data, keep in mind most liberals are pushing universal health care. If the author pointed out Hubbard's care occurred under government-run health care, it would only serve the argument that universal health care is a bad idea.

I have listened to stories from many friends who have TriCare. From what I can tell, it's acceptable for check-ups and shots. The problem is when there's a real issue. When something's really wrong or questionable, TriCare stinks. Hubbard's care isn't out of the ordinary for TriCare. Ask me about the friend who's pregnancy wasn't properly monitored and put her babies so far at risk they were delivered prematurely via emergency c-section and had to be rushed to the NICU. She had a simple problem to solve, normally found in the urine samples pregnant women routinely provide at their obstetric appointments. Ask me about the friend who was treated like chattel when she miscarried her baby. Ask me about the friend who spent months and months trying to get answers about the lump in her breast and was only seen "early" (months later) because her husband was being deployed. Ask me about my father who lost a tooth because the dentist couldn't stick around to fill the molar because his shift had ended. The stories go on and on and if you don't believe care can be that bad, I invite you to utilize Google.

If this is how the federal government runs health care for service people, someone please tell me: Why are many Americans positive that government-run health care for all Americans is the way to go?

From my perspective, we don't have to look to Canada or England to point out egregious errors and heartbreaking incompetence to prove the point that universal health care doesn't properly serve the health care needs of a country. We only need to look to TriCare. The Right's anxiousness about universal health care isn't just fiscal, but comes from a deep concern that everyone should receive proper care. The government isn't competent to provide it. Obviously.

You Want to Talk About Nazis? So Be It.

There's something that's really been bothering me lately. It's this notion from the Left that everyone on the Right is crazy and "fear-mongering." There was an op-ed by Leonard Pitts about the use of the word "Nazi." His overriding point was that Nazis were terrible and killed people in horrific ways and when we call our politicians "Nazis" we are disrespecting those the Nazis tortured and killed.

What I think the Left (and Pitts) miss in this current climate is that we, as a people - and if you look at the polls, it's not just crazy right-wingers - have had enough. Many of us on the Right weren't too thrilled with everything Bush did. This isn't about disliking Obama just because he's a Democrat and Republicans lost. This is about disliking what our elected officials are doing. The bailout, the stimulus, cap and trade, cash for clunkers, Freddie and Fannie, the list just goes on and on. When Americans send letters and emails and protest and overwhelmingly (according to polls) don't like what's happening, we feel justifiable anger at how our elected officials are failing to represent us. This isn't just about healthcare. Healthcare is merely the brutal punch that finally awakened the sleeping giant.

So when average Americans call their elected representatives "Nazis," they are saying their elected representatives aren't representing them. If the Left would check their history, they'd realize Nazis didn't start out killing babies and torturing and annihilating those they disliked. First they won elected seats. Then they forced their agenda. Then they changed the laws to make their agenda legal. By the time most Germans woke up and realized there was a problem and that they were losing their freedoms, their freedoms were gone. It was too late and they were under Nazi control. When we call our politicians "Nazis," we aren't disrespecting those who died at the Nazis' hands. We're saying we learned from them. We see how quickly and easily freedom can be lost. That's not disrespect. That's honor.

As for this speech, given the climate of the country, given that we have so many things to address, given that most Americans (see the polls) don't like what the President is doing, why on earth would he spend students' educational time on a 30-minute speech? Please tell me what early elementary student can follow a 30-minute speech? A speech is one thing, but to condescend to offer lesson plans is offensive and appears suspicious. He and his advisers should know this. They should realize that the climate is not conducive to this address. With American's dislike and distrust of his leadership, the appearance isn't one of the President showing an interest in the education of our children, but rather an opportunity for propaganda.

I have two kids in school. I'm torn on how to approach the speech. My son has already been taught that the water that we use in our house gets emptied into our creeks and streams and goes into the oceans. What nonsense. Clearly, no one at the school has heard of water-treatment plants. At any rate, I'm not pleased. I would really like to believe the speech will merely be about working hard in school to be a productive member of society. But that message won't fill 30 minutes. To fill 30 minutes, you need ... filler. And the filler has me concerned.

Spare Me the Label

Why is it that when conservatives and the average American decide to stand up against Democrats, it's a contrived, organized mob that can only be "astroturf?" But when liberals and Democrats bus people to functions, pay people to protests, and even make signs for them to wave, it's just Americans exercising their right to free speech? Spare me.

I've had enough.

We stayed in a hotel recently. When we went downstairs for the continental breakfast, we noticed every single table was occupied. In fact, the room was packed. What made it even more extraordinary was that everyone was silent. No one was talking. They all had their eyes glued to the tv. What was on? What could possibly have captured their attention so fully? It was the Arlen Specter Town Hall on healthcare.

If a hotel lobby full of hungry travelers could be captivated by healthcare and discussion of it, please spare me the label "astroturf."